Hard.

Things are hard in society today. I believe I think too much sometimes. It could drive a person nuts thinking that much.

Ever since my boyfriend got a new job, things have not been the same. I am not going to lie. They haven’t. I haven’t liked how I’m feeling. I’ve been trying to push it to the side. But it hasn’t exactly worked. No. I wish things would go back to before. Before he got the job, before his car got totaled, before he ran over a curb. Before, Before, Before.

I mean I wanted him to get a new job. So badly, I did. But if I knew I would feel like ‘this,’ I wouldn’t have wanted it.

You get what I’m saying. I guess in a way.. I miss him more.

I just don’t know what’s going on with me this time of year. I’m usually ecstatic. Seriously. I am all happy and counting the days until it’s Christmas. But this year. It’s the first year that I haven’t been all that happy.

At the end of November I was happy that christmas was coming up, but right now I could care less. Yes. That’s sounds harsh especially since when it goes by I will be sad. Currently I’m just not feeling it..

I’m sorry, Santa.

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