Everything.

Everything.

That’s the answer I would give you if you asked me how I was. It’s school, work, him, homework. Yes. School and working are stressing me out. However, as of right now, school is way more important than work. I would rather go to school now than work. That’s what everyone would rather do right? Who likes going to work anymore? No one, that’s who.

March 20th, 2011 today. No, I’m not going to bring it up, I promise. I would look even more pathetic than I do now. I won’t be seeing him this weekend. No biggie.. or is that a lie? Is it a big deal?  Yes and no. Yes because I love hanging out with him, no because I want him to hang out with friends and I have work/ homework to do. I MUST start putting more effort into the homework rather than anything else around me. It’s not that I’m saying I don’t put my heart into what I do, I’m stating that I need to work harder.

This semester is kicking my ass. Seriously. It’s so much different from community college, let me tell you. The comparison is not even equivalent.

I miss him. I need him right now. It’s not even as a boyfriend, more as a friend. I feel like I’m losing him. Am I? Who knows. All he’s been doing lately is working. All he ever says anymore is, “I gotta get going.” Or atleast, that’s what it feels like. 

Can’t you tell my life is superb. : ) Gosh, yes, I know.  Relax the next time you wish you were me.

The next few weeks will truly suck. Honestly and seriously. I am NOT looking forward to them.

It doesn’t matter anymore, really. It’s just this big, huge hump I’m 96 % over, 4 % of me is STILL holding onto this fantasy of him. Come on, already. Gosh, I’m so stupid for doing this to myself.

Can you even imagine that a few months ago I was worse than this. Yeah, it’s hard to believe.

I tell myself, “Chin up sweetheart, things will get better.” They have to right?

Everything.

I love you guys.

XOXO.

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