Think. Speak. Reach. Do. Rise. Push. Don’t care.

Stop.!

Think. Think about all the thoughts that fill your mind throughout the day.

Speak. Speak all the words that encircle your head all day long.

Reach. Reach all the goals and dreams that you’ve been wishing for since childhood.

Do. Do all the activities you’ve always wanted, but didn’t due to fear.

Rise. Rise to the top and be the best you can be.

Push. Push yourself as far as you can to achieve what you want out of life.

Don’t care. Don’t care what others around you say. Do it for yourself, not to please others.

This is a guide to life without fear.  Don’t put yourself down. Believe that you will be great and do great things.

XOXO.

❤ Hope Kumor

The change that should have come.

I sat there looking out the window of the train I was taking to go to school trying to tell myself I was ready for something new, a change rather. It made me sad to think that things had to alter in my life because I was so used to the ways things were.

Just then, he smiled at me. That smile, it took my breath away. I KNEW I had seen him the other day at my work. Oh, yeah, I noticed him looking at the section I was standing near trying to re-shelve books.

The whole day my mind wouldn’t think about anything but him. I just knew SOMETHING was going to happen between us. I couldn’t tell you what, in my heart, I had a feeling.

So, the following week, he sat on the train with me and we began talking. I liked talking to him right off the bat. No question. The whole time, he kept the conversation going. Then, we departed as he went to one building and I, another.

At least, a week and a half went by before I saw him again on the train. However, this time, someone else sat with me. When I saw him, my heart beat at a rapid pace and the guy I sat with, was one of my hermanos’ friends. In reality, I wanted to talk to him. As we came to our stop, I pssted him. He smiled.

We talked and talked. I was mesmerized by him. He remembered my name and major. I figured that was a good sign. This was only our second interaction and we parted without any real knowledge of when we would see one another.

I KNEW what I had to do. Since he was such a nervous, shy guy, I would have to step up. I would have to hand him that piece of paper, or at least, bring it up.

The next time we conversed, the moment came when I gave him my number. He was shaking. It was cute. If I knew that this would have happened, those numbers wouldn’t have left my mouth, but they did. I was excited, yet sad at the same time. I was scared and gosh was I SO afraid of all of it. Was I ready for something new?

I’m pretty knowledgeable about that 3-day rule that guys follow and I was thinking, “Okay, now I must wait 3 days until he texts me.”

Nope. He texted me an hour later asking me to go to a concert with him.  We texted those next few weeks. He would text me the most random things and I loved it. I’ve never had that and it was certainly a change.

Then, the next Monday, we saw each other and set-up a date for that Friday. Later that morning, he texted me and told me I looked pretty.  This was happening all so fast and I wasn’t positively ready for it, but it was time.

Friday came. We discussed the plans. Everything was set.  But was I? No. I was so upset. You don’t understand how I felt about my past boyfriend and I just wasn’t sure. It was dumb. Don’t ask. Stupid.

He would have to meet my parents. Whenever I go out with a guy, they like to meet him. I KNEW that they would like him. I just knew. Really?  I THOUGHT I knew. Sometimes you can be wrong.

The date was wonderful. From the hand holding. How he told me things about his sister. His attire. How cute he looked. How he listened. How he ordered my food & paid for it. How he opened doors for me. How he listened to me talk about my brother. How funny he was. How excited he was about the concert. To how well we connected. It was just… too perfect. Too good to be true. Too much.

As we watched that concert, thoughts ran through my mind. You wouldn’t even believe it. It went from, “Do I want to enter into this world with this great guy or tell myself I’m not ready and continue on  talking to my former boyfriend?”  What do I want. What do I want. What the hell do I want.

I swear I would have chosen that world. Where it was new and fun and just a change. It would have been.. the change that should have come.

Twice we held hands. Twice. I knew he was special. He got off at his stop first. He doesn’t drive, so we took the train together and would separate when his stop came.  The dynamic altered a little bit on the ride home. He was a little.. distant. I didn’t think too much of it. I knew how he felt about me and I felt the same. He left me with a kiss on the cheek, a look back and a smile. It was odd. What happened?  I was confused. It was empty. I felt empty because this date was so spectacular and he gets off the train in this manner.

We texted on the weekend. But, when we got to Monday, we ate lunch together, which wasn’t planned. It just kind of happened. He was absolutely distant then. Something happened between Friday and Monday.  I was so confused, yet again.

Well, I found out why he was so distant. He actually likes the same-sex. I was hurt to say the least. It crushed me because even though I didn’t know him too well, I liked him so much!

I would say the next 3 weeks we barely talked.  I texted him about 2 Fridays ago and he never wrote back.  So, I guess he is officially out of the picture. I figure he will randomly text me one day, just out of the blue.

I REALLY did want to talk more about the situation, but it’s over.  I started thinking about holidays and everything.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. We probably would have seen each other and all. Nope. Well, I just have to accept this and move on. It takes me SO long to move on. I’m the type that hangs on for dear life. It’s hard for me to let go. I can’t. But I have to.

I needed a change. A new beginning. I will get it.. someday.

❤ Hope Kumor

The relationship stuff.

I remember that hug where he wraps his arms around you tightly as you nestle in his chest. The way his thick jacket touches your body. The way he gazes at you, different from anyone else. The way his eyes are glued to your face. The way he brushes the hair out of your eyes to get a better look. And, the way he kisses you. It’s just a special feeling. You feel protected. You feel wanted. You feel needed. You feel loved.

As I walked passed by a couple today, embracing, and the way he looked at her got me. I miss that. I know that I have so many other things on my plate right now and that’s the last thought I should be worried about, but it would be nice to have a significant other. Plus, the Christmas holiday is coming up and spending it with another makes it all the better.

I know what you’re going to say. “Embrace being single because one day when you have a family, you may look back and regret rushing this process.” Honestly, who the hell cares. I’m not thinking about that right now.

Yes, I understand your motherly advice to not wish for it or think about it, but how could I not?  I should just wait for it to happen.  All of my friends have boyfriends and I don’t. Not that it’s a bad thing. All I’m saying is I miss THOSE moments with them.

The looks. The touches. The love. All of that crap that comes along with a relationship. I LOVE that stuff. You should know that by now. If you’ve been reading my stuff, you will say “duh.”

I’ve written how many relationship columns? If you haven’t read any of my stuff, take a peek, they are all posted to my Facebook.

What about YOU?  What do you think about relationships?  Think they are a fantasy and are overemphasized? Tell me what you think.

hopeandlove89@gmail.com   comment   message me.

A week of life without music.

A week without music. This article was in the Temple News. Before I sent this in, I shortened it, so this is the longer version. Enjoy!

 

It’s 7:10 a.m. and an upbeat song wakes me up to start my day. This occurs Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, the days I have class.

I usually listen to at least two songs before I get out of bed half asleep and get ready for another day of relentless babbling by teachers.

Music consumes most of my life, from listening to it in my car, when I’m getting ready in the morning, on train rides; it’s always there to turn to when I need a little escape.

I took on the challenge of erasing music from my life for a whole entire week. Even though, this is impossible at times, as there was music playing in stores or around campus, I chose not to be the one to physically turn it on.

DAY ONE:

I woke up frustrated that music wasn’t playing; it was a mere loud, annoying buzzing noise that irritated me from the start. As I began my homework, the thought of no music on this day was daunting. I NEEDED music. I always listen to a few songs upon getting up, as noted before, but this particular morning, the eerie silence just pissed me off.

Honestly, I woke up in a bad mood to say the least. The combination between no music and an all-day homework Sunday sucked.

Meanwhile, my lack of music in my car ended up being very strange. I began to observe the sound my car makes while driving, as well as how loud the cars around were.

I got through day one without music. But, usually at night is when I listen to music the most. I listen to it to let my mind wander through all the events that happened that day as well as what’s going on in my life. And to sit here and not have that was hard.

I am able to sit anyone with myself, but sometimes I want to escape to the event that happened at that moment of a particular song. I listen to some songs for a reason: I bring that memory back to life, to let it come out and play for a few minutes.

I do that most of the time when I hear a song. I think of a good memory, listen to “the song” that brings it back and sit there while it plays.

DAY TWO:

Yet again, I woke up with no radio and had to wake up quicker than normal not to fall back asleep. I had to set the alarm clock on my phone until 7:14, the time I usually get out of bed with radio alarm. Again, it was such a nuisance.

The train station is about a 10-minute ride from my house. Even though that doesn’t sound like a long time, I hated the idea of not putting on 94.5 pst and jamming to a good song.

Throughout the day I thought of music and song after song played in my mind.

Later on, I wanted to listen to music while I did my homework, but yet again, I was denied. I wanted to let my mind wander a little bit to stop thinking so much about all the homework I had to get done.

It was rather hard this day. This was the night I prepared myself for another day without music.

I guess I realized how much of an impact music has on my life. I don’t know what I would do without it. I had to go to bed early to avoid thinking about that new Cobra starship song “You make me feel.”

DAY THREE:

Today I figured out that I was now, musically frustrated. You know how many people are sexually frustrated, well I was musically.

It got harder as these songs continued to play in my mind. Doing activities such as homework was difficult for me. I kept thinking to myself, “oh I’ve got to listen to this song later.”

I swore, this day felt never-ending. It’s crazy how much I missed music. It was as if it died and I was going through a lose. You don’t realize something you have until it’s gone. I know it’s not even remotely close to losing a person, but I felt sadness as well.

I was in such an irritated mood and flipped out at other people who asked me the most mundane questions at times.

I tried to concentrate on homework as best as I could, since I didn’t have class this day.  As I thought of day four, I began to look forward to the weekend, when it was all over, more so than usual.

DAY FOUR:

The car ride home was depressing. It was a gray and bland day and I couldn’t even listen to some music to mix it up a bit or make my day better. It was just a slow day.

Music affects my moods at times. When I want to be happy, I listen to an upbeat song. If I’m pissed, I listen to something to relax me or stressed, I listen to something that reminds me of a good memory I had in the past. You see, music is a good source for me to go to, without it, it’s almost… nothing.

DAY FIVE:

I almost cried today because of music. That sounds pathetic, huh? I was going to full-blown cry like a child. I believe it’s out of frustration. Honestly, I’ve noticed this week I’ve been much more on edge.

I went to school in a fog just trying to tell myself two more days. The night before, I had a dream that I turned on the radio in my car and listened to music. It was an accident. When I woke up, I felt guilty. But then I realized it was merely a dream.

DAY SIX:

I drove up from Levittown, which is like forty-five minutes away from Temple to sleep over my friends’ house. The whole car ride consisted of silence. There was a traffic jam, which made my ride even longer, but that’s beside the point. Of course I could hear music in the other cars, which yet again, brought back my craving.

I longed for listening to a Rhianna song so bad I felt like an addict.

DAY SEVEN:

I woke up this morning knowing at approximately 12:01, I would be able to listen to my iPod. I thought to myself, if I get through today without going utterly insane, I will have listened to no music the whole week.

When this day came, you have no clue how happy I was. I can safely say I completed a week without music, at least no music that was in my own control.

I went through withdraws, frustrations, and irritations. I felt as if I was tripping or something. I felt so lost. But we can say, I conquered this challenge quite well.