But I can never have you.

Why would you cause such a stir that I still think about you?

Why would you hold my hand & get close as we talk about the scent of your cologne?

Why would you tell me I looked “really pretty today by the way?”

Why would you make me long for you so much that I can hardly focus on the final papers I have to write?

Your face, it comes into my mind. The longing for you has emerged into a warmth that runs throughout my whole body. I feel so desperate to see you, feel you, breathe you. It’s an overwhelming and sudden feeling.

It’s unexplainable. It’s as if you have taken over my whole being. It’s hard to let go of these sorts of things if you have nothing there to replace it.

I feel dizzy. Currently, my weakness is you. Let’s be real here, I can NEVER attain you. You will never be mine. You are a dream, a fantasy.

I have no desire to concentrate on anything else at the moment. I simply can’t. My emotions are so sporadic that I am unable to normally function. I’m in a bit of a rut.

All around I hear: “You’re a beautiful girl.”  And. blah.. blah.. blah..”  “It will come when you least expect it.”

Can we pause for a second and believe that these phrases are a bunch of crap. Come on, now.

Why is it that “it” happens when you don’t want it and when you do, it doesn’t? Why does it work like that?

I can never have you. None of these feelings, desires, longings matter because we can NEVER be together.

I have a huge problem with moving on. The advice I give to myself is, start to let things go quicker. That would make my life SO much more easier.

I’ve just began to settle into the idea that I have a constant compulsion to create fantasies where my former boyfriend is the one who is there  to fill the void I’m feeling right now. I can’t do it anymore. If I keep walking on that path, then I will always end up being miserable.

How about focusing on school or work or family or my career. That would be one of the smartest decisions I could make.

I have no appetite. I have a bunch of studying to do and it’s difficult to place a full concentration on it.

It’s something that needs to be done.

I MUST be done this subject of You. You need to escape my mind.

If I saw you, hell would break loose. I don’t want to see you. I would be screwed because I can never have you.

❤ Hope Kumor


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