JANUARY 2nd reads on my Virgin Mobile Optimus screen. This is it. It’s the last official day of the holiday season. So many people around the globe have off today because it’s considered a “holiday.” There is pay involved, even though there is no work.
The King of Prussia mall is visited on this last day of the holiday season. Trees surround the mall as well as a reindeer, indicating that the holidays are still present. The large Christmas tree with ornaments danced one last time as little kids looked on. Those trees will be gone in a matter of days and the next holiday will be Valentine’s Day. There are no longer songs of joy playing on B101 as I flip through the stations in the car traveling to the mall with my two brothers.
As we walk around the mall and observe all the holiday displays for the last time, I realize I must leave it behind. These past few weeks have gone by so quickly that I could barely catch my breath. What happened to the holidays? I’m sorry, but I don’t really remember them that clearly because they whipped by so quickly. I remember all the preparations that I made a few weeks back, the stress I was under, the pain I endured having my wisdom teeth removed, & the panic I felt as I searched for gifts for my family and friends. It’s all over and again, it becomes depressing. You don’t understand how I feel about this time of year. I love it like a child loves candy. I eat it up so to speak.
But, mainly where my sadness lays is thinking of my brother’s return back to Tennessee. We have all become so comfortable with him being here. He has been here for weeks and when he leaves, everybody will notice. The emptiness will be present and I hate going through it. It’s kind of like a band-aid in a way. I want him to go so I can rip it off & be okay. But, at the same time, I want him to stay because I’m going to miss him like hell.
We spent our last real day together yesterday, my brothers & I. That was another depressing thing our visit to the KOP as well. I have to begin to get my mind set. I know he will have to depart from PA soon enough and spend most of the year in TN. This will be a hard year because he stays there year round. It will be the first summer that he hasn’t lived at home. I mean, I did it August through December, so I know I can do it again. It’s very painful though. I have to psych myself out. I tell myself that I will be okay. It’s good that he’s exploring the world, making new friends, living by himself, becoming more independent, growing up. This is a positive thing that I need to get used to. I’m talking about in general too.
Remember, I’m next. I will be moving my materials to another location one day. Currently, I don’t make nearly enough to live on my own, but when I do, it will be my turn. I’ve lived with my brother for 22 years & it’s time to separate. Don’t forget about my struggle with letting things go. I have a huge issue with that. I always have and maybe I always will.
These are all thoughts that come out of January 2nd. As the day ends & 12:01 reads on my clock, sadness kicks in. The holidays are over. My dad will begin to take down the lights we took so long to put up. All the decorations that sit in the front yard will come down. The bubbled Santa Clauses and Reindeer that are displayed in front of many people’s houses come down this week. The houses printed in the newspaper to look at are no longer available to visit, since the decorations are being taken down. Everything leaves the yard and is placed into a box. These displays will be unavailable until next Christmas.
I sit here & remember all the days that led up to the holidays. All the moments that took place during the past month. Think about how in 2 weeks today I go back to school to finish out my last spring semester at Temple University. Think about the next few months and what will occur. Think about how I’m going to feel. Think about if will be the year to let more things go at a quicker pace. Think about the end of the year when I finish my schooling at Temple University. Think about how the following months will play out. Will it be a positive year filled with happiness & success or a negative year consumed of depression & unfulfillment? That’s a question that will be answered in the matter of a few months.
January 3rd reads on my computer screen and I begin to wonder if anything spectacular will happen today or what boring things will occur in this 24-hour day.
Let’s see what today brings.
❤ Hope Kumor