You’re destroying me I tell you. I can’t stop. It’s getting pathetic by this point. I guess I’m stupid & won’t ever be able to truly and finally help myself. I can’t. When you told me about another woman my stomach churned. It’s really time to be over this whole bullshit thing, but I can’t.
I can’t even explain it to you. It’s not even that I want you as a boyfriend, it’s more of a “being there” sort of thing. I wanted you so bad today. Just for you be there. What’s the point of talking to you about this? There will be absolutely no words that will leave your mouth except an expression that reads “Why? How? When?” And, when you ask me those questions, I will respond with, “I have no idea.” What’s the point of even having these emotions be out in the open?
It’s disgusting and pitiful. Even though I may seem like one of those really happy go-lucky girls, I’m not. No way.! That’s a joke. You would never guess that I’m a bit depressed. No Clue. Now, this part has NOTHING to do with him. I’m not sad because I can’t have him or anything, it’s just my life is all over the place right now and I’m trying to stay on even ground.
Also, I’ll be graduating this year and I’m so confused with what I want. I have such bad senioritis that I can barely concentrate. It’s terrible, horrible, horrid.
I’m going through such a bad period right now. It’s just about everything. That includes the departure of my brother from here to Tennessee. Even though we will see him in a few days, I miss him so much.
I hate showing any emotions. I hate crying in front of anyone except myself. I would feel weak if I did. That’s how it is.
Honestly, I have no idea how to get over him or if I ever will. I mean, maybe if another guy came into the picture I would finally lose interest in him for good. But, like I said, it’s not even an “I want you as a boyfriend” thing. It’s more of a “I need you” thing. It’s so difficult. I told you, I can’t explain it. No words can describe how I feel about him. NO ONE will E-V-E-R understand.
You can’t sit here and tell me that if I started dated another guy he would be 100% okay with it. You can’t. It’s impossible. The things I do for him. I can’t not help him with something. If that stops, will he be fine with that? I don’t think so. That’s a laugh.
I’m convinced I will never. After we hung out last night, I decided that things will never change. I’m exhausted. Literally. You would tell me DUH!!! Stop hanging out with him. But to be honest, I only see him every other Sunday. That’s all. Sometimes it’s every two weekends. It’s not that. That’s not the problem. It’s me. I’ve created this situation myself. It’s all my fault.!
But, there’s really nothing anyone can say that would change my feelings toward him. I challenge you, tell me SOMETHING to make everything better. Good luck! 🙂
Will I ever get over him?