He’s changed & I hate it.

It’s double date night & we are going with one of my best friends and her boyfriend. We have the night arranged. We will go bowling and enjoy ourselves. The night is set.

We drive over to pick them up & the laughs and giggles come from the 4 of us immediately because my then boyfriend cracks jokes that are so funny that they hurt your stomach. We all get along so well. It took about 10 minutes to get there from my friend’s house. We all get shoes and are assigned to lane 1. At first we stand around and watch each other bowl. We don’t feel comfortable enough to sit down. But, eventually, as the turns continue, we take our seats.

Her boyfriend is into recording events on camera and I was glad because I could look back on the day and smile. In terms of turn-taking, it was her bf, my bf, me and her, in that order. My bf & I would rag on one another in between our turns. Everyone would laugh. He would smile & be happy.

I remember those days. Even though he is no longer my boyfriend, I crave them so bad. When I talk to him on the phone, he never has anything to tell me. I continue to roll my eyes as he says, Nothing much.  Don’t you ever have ANYTHING to tell me? What happened to the old days when we would go out & have a nice time. Maybe this summer we can get back to where we once were, not romantically, but fun-wise.

The job market has ruined him. Though, he was never really  happy, but he was happier than he is now. He’s changed and it makes me so sad. His job search is unsuccessful & that has altered his whole personality. I mean, there are periods when he’s his old self, but not too often. I miss him & gosh do I.

He always has to go, leave early, can’t do something. There’s ALWAYS something. It’s ALWAYS been the same way, even when we dated. It sucked even more then and now it’s becoming worse. Why? Why do you always have to leave me? Why can’t you ever stay? I mean, I’m not needy, but he can be too much sometimes.

Everything went so awfully wrong when he graduated. I thought it would make everything better, but it’s only made it worse. Will it ever get better? Will he ever be happy? Will he ever be like before?

He’s changed & I hate it.


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