But, I just can’t start “that.”

There was a surprise party scheduled for him, for his birthday, June 5th. Though, it was planned for the Sunday before it since everyone invited had to work during the week. Excitement ran through my body as I thought about going over there and feeling special in the company of his dad and girlfriend. I hadn’t seen them in a while and was gung-ho about heading over around 3:45.

The whole day, it ran through my mind. I tried everything to distract myself like, watching TV, reading, anything, but nothing worked. The thoughts constantly ran through my mind and there was no way to get rid of them. They sat and didn’t want to move.

The time ticked, but didn’t pass fast enough. It went very slow. I could barely eat due to the nervousness and anxiousness I felt inside. It was terrible and until THAT time hit, it would stay present.

Finally the time came and my brother & I got ready to head out the door. I rushed in order not to be late. I couldn’t. It would be his dad, girlfriend, her son, my brother, him & I. The surprise was just between the 5 of us.

The pair, his dad & girlfriend, was waiting outside for us. We exchanged hugs & how are you’s. Then, we made our way to the back patio. A few minutes later, her son appeared. I’d seen him before, but he looked cuter. He’s 29, but looked nothing of the age.

So, 4:00 comes, when the pair told him to come. He arrived, but isn’t surprised because he knew. He knew. How did he “know?”

We spent about an hour talking. All of us took turns telling a story, except him. He just sat there. He didn’t say much, just like every time we hang out. He was in one of “those” moods. I knew it well. When he wasn’t smiling or laughing, I knew how it would be. I ignored it and just went with the flow. After all, it was “his” birthday.

One thing I noted was he DOES talk about me and my two brothers. His dad knew what my brother was going to school for & wanted to know more about it. His girlfriend always listens, inquires and cares about what you have to say. The pair is very comfortable to be around & talk to.

Though, him & his dad went into debates where they begin shouting at one another. In the past, there was a time I sat there and had to listen to them fight about something. It was uncomfortable as their voices got higher and stronger and echoed throughout the whole room. But, this wasn’t the time or day to do this in front of everyone. Her son just rolled his eyes as him & his dad started. He knew it well & didn’t want to hear it.

After all of this mumble jumble, the four of us, him, her son, my brother & I played lawn darts. In a previous party, her son & I were on the same side, separate teams & we sucked. Then, the game was bag toss. However, this day, it was lawn darts.

Again, we stood on the same side. It was him & I, vs her son & my brother. We were paired. Her son & I, yet again, didn’t do too well and laughed, flirted a little? But, to my surprise, at the end, I dominated our team and they lost.

Him & I played against his dad & girlfriend. Again, I was doing quite well & everyone was shocked. No one could believe that I was that good. What happened?

His dad prepped the food. Meanwhile, I told his dad’s gf about my belly button ring. She desired to see it. But, before that, we talked about him. I expressed my frustration about phone conversations with him, how I would need to carry on the conversation in order to keep the phone call. He never said much. Slowly, he’s falling down the ladder & again, there’s nothing I can do.

His gf & I ran up to the bathroom so she could check out my ring. She was amazed and loved it. Her & I bonded and always have. She’s THE best thing that’s happened to his dad. She’s wonderful & my brother agreed.

The food was placed on the table in the kitchen. We were to get our food and then carry it out. As we grabbed our food, her son began to ask me some questions about columns I’ve published. I told him, then opened the door, since he had a plateful of food in his hand. Then, he carried my cup. It was sweet.

We conversed for a few minutes and we walked out to the patio. But, then we all became a group again and talked. In between, there were awkward phases, which left me grinding my teeth. Though, the silence wasn’t long, I still didn’t like the initial quiet in the air. I couldn’t stand it. His dad’s gf was always there to fill in the silence. She would randomly bring something up and go on & on about it, which put me at ease so I didn’t have to bear the silence.

Next, we sang Happy Birthday to him as he sat there unfazed by what was going on around him. Did he really make a wish or pretend to be happy in order to make the situation seem cheerful? His dad’s gf cut the cake & distributed the pieces, except to him because he can’t eat.

The presents were opened after the cake eating. I didn’t write the mushy gushy words this year because they would be wasted. Nothing I say or do will make it better, so why try? I had for three years & this year I decided to take another route and write a standard note. Nothing fancy, special, just a mere five sentences.

He thanked everyone & the talking begins again. We sat around & conversed. He started to talk a little more, smile, laugh, look alive. There HE was!

The sky blackened, the clouds settled in, it begins to pour and the wind blows furiously. We all headed inside to get away from the storm that was brewing.

In the house, we watched some TV. On couch one, my brother & I sat. On couch two, her son & I. Her son & I shared some stories & watched two YouTube videos. We kinda connected? As you see, I’m questioning all of this because I don’t want to fully commit to having a crush on him. I don’t want to start to think, picture stuff, begin THAT. I can’t. I won’t. It would be too complicated. My former bf’s dad’s girlfriend’s son. How outrageous! That would be absurd, awkward and strange. But, will he come & visit me at work? He now knows about my discount  that I can give him whenever he comes to the store. Nope. Don’t. Hush. Shut up.

We all had a nice time together & parted ways around 9:00. His dad & gf hug me & thanked me for coming. I was invited to their July picnic, which I didn’t even discuss with him, I just assumed I would come. Before we all left, her son told me to practice my bean bag tossing. That was our goodbye. I’m glad though.

I hugged him & wish him happy birthday. On the ride home, my brother & I talked. He had a pleasant time & didn’t mind conversing about it. He answered their questions with extensions and not just a Yes or No.

All in all, it was a nice, relaxing day for him.

But, I just CAN”T start “that.”

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