I’m mostly just jealous.

In the midst of our conversation, he mentions that on Sundays there are ultimate frisbee games. Every Sunday. Okay. Alright. He’s not my boyfriend. We aren’t dating. We are merely friend. I get that. I do understand that & I’m fine with it.

He asks my brother & I if we would like to practice with him the Saturday before. Okay. Around 1:00, we head to the local school to practice throwing around the frisbee. I can only stay for a half an hour because I have work 3 hours later. I’m not very good at throwing the frisbee & my brother teaches me how to do it. After he tries to help me, I start to get the hang of it. But, it doesn’t really seem to matter to ‘him’ because I’m not going to the games. I was invited. I can go, but I’m not too interested.

The game begins at 10:15 A.M. The first time he attends the game is last Sunday. He texts me later on & tell me he’s so beat. It tired him out. He doesn’t mention the party that was going on at my house that he was invited to. That’s fine as well.

But, Sunday is the day we do stuff. I mean, I’m not starting “this” again. It’s just that I think I’m jealous that he’s starting something new & I’m not involved. I could be included, but I’m choosing to sit this one out. I guess I feel like he won’t need me after he continues to hang out with a new group. How absurd, huh? I have my group of friends, my own things & yet I’m a bit jealous. Also, I’m selfish because it seems that I want to keep him all for myself. I don’t want to share him. But, now he will have more to add to the conversation. He won’t need to say Nothing too much. He will have “something.” That doesn’t change the way I feel. I feel left out, jealous & unneeded. How dumb, stupid &childish. I know. But that’s how I feel. I can’t change my feelings. I can’t alter them.

I’m mostly just jealous.


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