I’m searching, looking, sifting through the pack, for something, someone to talk to. I have others to speak to, but I think I desire a fresh, new individual to listen to me. Someone who doesn’t know my current situation, someone who can give advice as an outsider.
I think I’m searching for someone right now. I’m so desperately longing for someone to connect with on another level. Someone to tell my problems to, discuss & talk for hours. I want someone new. A new face. And, I think that I need a change.
Why am I going out so much lately? I feel so desperate to find a guy. But, now that I’ve realized that I look completely pathetic, I will no longer yearn for this fairy tale guy. I won’t put myself through the pain, agony & disappointment when at a bar I don’t get noticed in the crowd. Think about all the piles of girls that men have to sift through. It’s relentless & disgusting. If you don’t meet their exact standards, you’re thrown back into the pile. You haven’t been picked up & handled delicately because you don’t match what they’re looking for.
I’m just going to stay focused on my job, internship & future right now. Though I’ve said this many times, I’m really trying to commit to it this time. I have to, I need to. There’s no more excuses. No do overs here.
I don’t want to end up like him. He tells me that not having the career he wants eat at him. Literally, it eats at him. He says, Do you know anyone who it eats at as much as me? No, no I don’t. But I told him that if I were in his boat, I would feel the same way. I would feel sick, disgusted & unfulfilled. I have a lot of competition around me with the field I’m going into: Journalism. You know how much pressure is placed on Journalists? A decent amount. But, I’m willing to take on the challenge. This is my career after all, my future, my time. No more dilly dallying around with guys, going out. I need to focus.
It’s July. That means that it’s “5” months until I graduate from college with a bachelor’s degree in English. Five Months. That’s not a whole lot of time. Therefore, in between having pure fun, without strings attached, I’m beginning to write more & really get experienced in the Journalism World. Let’s go fellows! Here comes Hope Kumor.
And, there should be no more distractions or screwing around with my career.