He was just… my first everything.

I sat down in my room for at least 20 minutes. No music. No talking. No one home. No one to interrupt me in my time of thought. I wanted to seriously sit down & think why it took so long to get over him.

The past is the past & the present is the present. True. But, how can you live in the present when most of your thoughts are in the past? You must get over it, get over him, live and be free.

He was the first guy to see me unclothed. I mean nothing on my body. He was the first guy I could seriously sit down & confess to. He was the first guy that I had strong feelings for. He was the first guy I truly opened up to and never hid anything. He was the first guy to touch my breasts. He was the first guy I “dressed” up for. He was the first guy to give me that look.

First after first after first. That’s why it look so damn long to get over. You always remember your first. Therefore, how could I throw him away so easily? How could I not think about him, want him, long for him, need him, pine for him? He was always around to save the day. He helped whenever I needed him. He was everything to me. No way, no how could I break up our friendship. Before anything, that was the strongest part. The friendship we formed as we dated. This was such a HUGE occurrence in my life that it’s still with me. Go ahead, call me pathetic & what not. But, you can’t honestly sit here & tell me that you forgot about your first.

I love him as a friend, always have, always will. But, there comes a time when you need to realize that the past IS the past & the present IS the present. They are not the same & won’t ever be. I know. I know.

He was just.. my first everything.

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