Don’t you just hate the next day after you do something so fun & so exciting? It’s absolutely depressing.

He comes over at 9:26 a.m. so that him, my younger brother & I can head to Dorney Park Wildwater Kingdom for my birthday. He talks to my dad for a few before we leave. As we walk out the door, he says Happy Birthday.

There are smiles, laughs, giggles, a little bit of flirting here & there, little touches, almost hand holding at times, I felt & jokes. All the ingredients to a perfect day.

Driving there is cake. It takes an hour & 45 minutes, without tolls of course. We all talk & exchange some stories. He talks about a girl at work that he struck out with since she doesn’t know how to continue a conversation. She lets it fall dry without even noticing or caring. Then, he talks about another woman who is off limits, but thinks she likes him. How? Am I jealous? Nah, I’m okay. I’m good.

Finally, when we got there, he seems disappointed that we aren’t going to the actual park, rather the water park. It’s my birthday, so it’s my decision. Besides, I figured he couldn’t go on rides after an experience a few years back where he wasn’t able to ride on almost anything.

We exchange smiles & laughs, the three of us as we approach the park,with our  bathing suits & tickets in check. After looking at ourselves in the mirror & going to the bathroom, we head to the first ride, Patriot’s Plunge. For each ride, we have to stand in line from 5-20 minutes, depending on the ride. It’s quite annoying, but it’s a nice day to get together & go to the water park.

Some rides we go on twice. At times, he flirts with me by touching or mocking me. Also, throughout walking around the park, I swear he was going to hold my hand. There are times our hands brush up against one another & I think he’s going to grab onto mine & never let go.

He keeps smiling at me. We are all in bathing suits, nothing else. I believe he checked me out.

As 2:23 struck, my younger brother & I grab a pretzel to nibble on. We sit & eat. After a while, I check my phone to see if I got any texts. I am supposed to go out, but the plans still aren’t 100%. This guy I kind of think is cute at work texts me Happy Birthday Hope. I invited him out with us the night before to celebrate my birthday the next day. He told me he might make it, he would let me know.

So, he turns to me & asks, Has anyone interesting texted you? Yes, the cute guy. I told him a little bit about him. He laughs & thinks I made up the name. I show him the text & he teases me about him the whole rest of the day.

After a little while, we go on our way. In line, he hardly says a word. My younger brother & I chat a bit. We don’t include him because we know he won’t want to add much to the conversation. He’s quiet on & off. I’ve known him for 4 years & he does it all the time.

He’s hot & he’s cold, he’s yes & he’s no. -Katy Perry, Hot N’ Cold

That’s certainly him. He never brings up our relationship & he does on this day. Why? How strange.

Then, he asks if the guy is cuter than him. Why do you ask? I mean, he is probably joking, but who knows since the other things occurred. Who knows what’s truthful & what’s not.

We go on this challenging obstacle where you must go across this rope like monkey bars balancing on this lilly pad trying not to fall in the water. Once I am done, him & my younger brother try. His eyes are kept on me the whole entire time. His stare is overwhelming, but I kept it. I stared right back. That stare was different than the rest of them. His eyes focused on me & nothing but me. I began to melt, but I didn’t.

Overall, the whole day is enjoyable since he’s in a good mood. Though, at times he’s quiet & possibly bored, it is still a pleasant day.

I know that the day will soon end. I dread the last ride because I know the day is practically over. There’s the car ride home, presents from him & the family, cake & going out. Then, it’s the 22nd. After the 21st, it’s all over. School is in 5 days & summer ends. I try not to think about it, but it’s too hard.

The flirting, near hand holding, asking about cute guy & bringing up our relationship is overwhelming.

On the ride home, he tells me personal things. He feels isolated with no one around him. He wants to meet new people. He needs to. He doesn’t have many others to talk to besides me. That depresses me. That pains me. That makes me sick,ill & ready to puke.

need to help him. I want to help him. He needs me.

He has to get my present then come back to the house. My family asks about our day & says happy birthday.

A little bit later, he comes back with two cards in his hand & a gift box. Hm..what’s that?

The first card is from his mother. She always gets me a $25 Kohl’s Gift Card. Then, his. which says, Birthday Advice 5 cents     Friends are the best therapy    Happy Birthday to the one who keeps me sane!

Him, Please find enclosed all the thanks I owe you.    It’s a One Million Fake Dollar Bill.

How cute, clever & fantastic. Then, the necklace. He buys me a necklace. W-o-w. It says, True Friends are joined at the heart. He picked that saying. He did. On his own. Okay.

Now, I’m NOT in any way thinking too much into this especially because he always talks about that one woman in work & other girls. I’m not. I’m just simply stating that it’s interesting how much occurred on my 23rd birthday.

Clearly, he didn’t want to leave, but I had to eat dinner, take a shower, open my other presents, do the cake & go out. I had other things to do.

I walked him to his car & thanked him for the nice day. A hug. He seemed as if he was stalling. He’s prolonging our goodbye.

I told him I would invite him out with me sometime. See how my friends perceive him. I’ll let him meet people.

But, I don’t get it. Why? I mean, no I’m not going back there, but why?

He pisses me off, I can’t live without him, he pissed me off, I can’t live without him. That’s how it is. There’s no winning in this battle.

That night, I went out wanting him. I didn’t want to go out. I was quiet & there was no use for me to be there even though it was FOR me. I don’t work well in groups. I can’t. I get shy & quiet. I can’t. It just doesn’t work.

Gosh, I cried for him. I don’t want him, but I KNOW he needs me. I hate this. I hate feeling like this.

The next day, I felt utterly lost & depressed. Everything is over. The reality that I’m going to be so bogged down with homework that I can barely breathe is settling in.

Don’t you just hate the next day after you do something so fun & so exciting? It’s absolutely depressing.


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