So, let’s just wait & see what happens.

I walk into class waiting for the right moment to talk to him. I’m not planning it nor “waiting” for it to happen. Whatever occurs, occurs. I’ve never spoken to him. He’s a shy & quiet guy. Something about him draws me in. At first, I didn’t find him attractive, but when I really looked at him, I found him adorable. He’s in 2 of my classes, so I have a choice when to talk to him. I see him every day. When’s the “right” moment, when you feel it, I tell myself.

He has a beard, which I never find attractive in a guy. This is a rather strange statement, since I don’t know him at all, but I feel like he needs me. I feel like I can help him. He always looks so sad & pathetic sitting in his seat. I can help him, I just know it.

I think he may remind me of my ex a little bit & since I felt as if I helped him, I need someone else to help. I believe it comes down to feeling needed. In a way, I want to feel like this because I’ll feel important. I simply can’t describe it any other way.

Also, this is bad to say, but, maybe I feel attracted to him because there’s no other guys who are cute in my other classes or at work.  They either have girlfriends or aren’t my type. He is different. He’s so quiet & doesn’t say much. I think I can break him, get him to speak to me, share things with me.  Maybe I just want another guy friend. It’s not as if we’re going to date or anything. I just feel a sort of connection with him. It’s absurd & random, but that’s the way it is, folks!

Ultimately, I think it all comes down to physical contact. I don’t mean sex. I mean hugs. Yes, I can get hugs from friends & family, but doesn’t it feel more special from the guy/girl you’re involved with? It’s just so much better.

I haven’t told anyone about my little crush. It’s not worth it. Nothing is going to happen. There’s nothing to tell. He’s just adorable as hell & I want to get to know him. Honestly, it’s no big deal. I can bet you $20 that he’s only 21. I’m 23. Remember, most college seniors, which is what I am, are 21. They began college when they were 18. I started out at a community college & transferred, so I’m a little older than the pack. This is a problem when it comes to meeting guys at school because they are all too young. In no way am I desperate to meet a guy. I’m waiting for it to happen.

This is how I see it, 1) Maybe I’m not completely ready for a boyfriend. Have I 100% gotten over the ex? I would say about 98%. But, now, if I went out on a date, I would only be nervous. I wouldn’t cry like last time. At that time, no way was I ready to date a guy. I loved the idea, but I just wasn’t emotionally prepared. 2) Maybe the guy that’s “for” me is really special & it’s taking him a little longer to come. I deserve the best. I know I do. Seriously, I’m amazing. I always listen to you, I always help you, I always offer to do things for you when you can’t, I’m always supportive, I’m always caring, I’m always willing to try new things, I’m willing to go somewhere YOU want to go &  I’m always willing to give you what you want & what you need.  How does that sound?! Pretty amazing to me, I should say.

Recently, another thing is sometimes when I hear songs I picture this guy in my mind. I picture his smile & laugh. Gosh, he has such a cute smile. He rarely smiles, but when he does, it’s cute as hell. Yes, I sound like such a creeper, but really I’m not. I promise. I just like to observe him. For one thing, I KNOW he doesn’t have a girlfriend. Two, he would never talk to me because he’s too shy. That’s why I need to talk to him. Again, I’m not planning it because whenever I do that, it never comes out right. Something messy happens.

So, let’s just wait & see what happens.

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