It’s scary. I’m scared, petrified & frightened: To be so vulnerable & open with someone is overwhelming. I’ve never felt like this before & it’s all so new.
I love spending time with you. I like where we’re at in this relationship. I like having someone to talk to, he shares with me on this cold fall night while rubbing my arm. Not too much touching now, tiger. I need my space. I won’t lie. I won’t fib. I feel the same. I hope the same things as him, to stay together for a while.
I just haven’t ever felt like “this” before. We’re both scared. We can be scared together, he says with a smile. Gosh, am I scared. I can’t emphasize that enough. Every relationship has risks, challenges, obstacles & faces hardships. Especially us, being 45 minutes away from one another. I can’t simply say, “Okay, I’ll be over in a few minutes.” It would be more like, “Alright, well, I’ll be over in about an hour.” It won’t be easy. But, tell me, is he worth it? A definitive YES.
He’s worth all obstacles, challenges, hardships & risks.
As we sat hand & hand, side by side talking about our feelings for one another, my heart beat a mile a minute. I was nervous. But, at the same time, I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. Later, I shared with him a story that I’ve only told a select few. He touched my leg & arm as I told him about my thoughts of ending all of this a few months before I met him. There’s no need to worry about that stuff because I haven’t thought of it ever since. It was contemplated, which I can bet half the population has had thoughts of doing as well one time or another.
I think we look good together, I tell him as we walk around campus holding hands. You know those couples where you glance at them & say, Aw, they’re cute together? Well, that’s us. That’s my boyfriend & I. We suit each other.
We flirt. Kiss. Flirt. Hug. Touch. Poke. Sit close. Hold. It’s great. Nice. Perfect. Sweet.
Nuts. Crazy. Fast, are the words I associate with our relationship. So many words to say. So much to talk about. So much to share. So much to write. So much to wonder, ponder, consider, think about, dream of, imagine.
I’m barely able to describe how I feel about this relationship. If I discussed this with my brother, he would have no clue what I’m talking about. He would nod & listen, but wouldn’t & couldn’t fully understand. No one will. Except him, of course.
I’ve just never felt like this before.