The clock strikes 6:30, the time he gets off work. We have Christmas plans. He will go home & shower then head over so him, the family & I can explore & gaze at Christmas lights around the area.
7:54 p.m. hits & here he is with a white & red bag. We were exchanging gifts later that night. Before that, we planned to see our first walk through light show. We go to this house every year to check out their latest decorations. However, this year is different because he’s coming with us. He & I sit in the back whispering & giving one another longing glances. We smile with no words to say. The feelings are mutual & we know the smile that forms on our faces means the same thing. At times, there is nothing to say, so instead we show the smile.
He sits next to me looking at the lights, concentrating on the colors & I think to myself, he’s so cute. The way his eyes light up when he sees the show is overwhelming. Those eyes. His eyes.
The night before he says, I always tell you that you’re beautiful, but I never tell you why I think that. I think my favorite thing about you is your pretty eyes. There it is, my eyes. I would have to say that my favorite part of him is his eyes. The sincereness that they exemplify, the way he looks at me, & how he talks to me with a low, soft voice, while his gazes into my eyes.
His touch. His smile. His hair.
Later that night, we exchange gifts. You can go first, he says as he pushes the bag close to me. The card is first, which I continue to read over & over. Enclosed, there is a lot of writing.
Isn’t it funny how a simple elevator ride can change everything?
Going back to that elevator ride.
On the morning of September 28th, my train arrived at school a bit late. As I headed for the elevator, there were no concrete thoughts that entered my mind. Rather, I was more so concerned with being late to my 11:00 class. I walked up to the elevator waiting area where I saw him, with 2 students in front of me also taking the elevator. I became nervous because I KNEW it was “the moment.” I began to wimp out, think that I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to do it. I didn’t want to put that much energy into it. I didn’t feel like it. As the elevator doors opened, the students headed for the elevator. He was before me & as soon as I entered, he looked at me & I said it, “I just noticed this, you’re in 2 of my classes.” The first things I noticed were his braces & how he listened to me when I spoke to him. I was having a bit of trouble with our capstone paper topics & let him know. He smiled a bit. He told me he was going to his friend’s that weekend for his bachelor’s party & he would have to take the Philip Roth book up with him to read. As we entered class he says, “You’re Hope, right?” I say, “Yes. And, you’re Matt?” YUP!
The whole class I thought of a plan, I would ask him to help me with my paper topic. So, if we happened to walk out of the room at the same time, I would mention it to him. We did. I said to him, “Hey Matt. I kind of need someone else’s opinion on my paper topic, do you think I could email it to you?” He wanted to get together instead. He quickly wrote out his email & handed it to me in sloppy handwriting asking, “Can you read this?” “Yes,” I replied.
THAT was the start. Our start. All from an elevator ride. To think back to that moment is incredible. To think where we started until NOW.
We’ve been together for 2 months & 4 days! Going back to my entries is nuts! I’m very sentimental & love to look back at memories & important, memorable moments.
After the card, I opened his two presents. I first one was a pink ornament with my name, Hope. He ordered it. Second, was a Hello Kitty necklace. I love both the gifts. As he read his card, he stroked my arm & chuckled as he read through my feelings.
We’re both going to spill our guts out in these cards, I wrote. He loved my gifts.
After that, we sat by the fire where he told me, There’s no other place I’d rather be, while I blushed a bright red. Compliment after compliment after compliment. Meanwhile, I blush and blush and blush.
You’re all I need, dear, he shares as we sit by the burned out fire. He cuddles & holds me tight while we watch it fizzle out.
He shares his feelings, thoughts without hiding anything from me. We discuss writers & he says, I love having someone I can talk to this stuff about with. I agree. I always agree.
He can’t leave. I don’t want him to leave. He has to stay with me. He has to spend the night so we can talk, share & speak the whole night. My mom said he can stay over. I’m looking forward to one of those days. We will see each other in the morning. Me without makeup, though he would still tell me I look beautiful.
He sits Indian style when we finish the night discussing the next time we’ll see each other, tomorrow. He touches my face & puts his hand through my light brown hair. He loves to touch my hair & face.
10/5/2012: A Memory of you.
“Sitting on the train after hugging her goodbye and as the train pulled away I could see her holding back a smile. This makes me feel good. I asked her on a date and I think we are kind of starting something.”
I read this in his card, so nicely put that I can’t help but have tears in my eyes & smile. I kiss him after I read those words and open the two wonderful gifts.
Aren’t I lucky? his text messages say often, as well as, You mean so much to me, Hope.
Lucky. Fortunate. Elevator. Memories. Touch. Smile. Laugh. Giggle. Poke. No words. Daydream. Feelings. Thoughts. Dreams. Fast. Slow. Temple. Discuss. Love. Talk. Speak. Christmas. Presents. Writing. Writer.
Our first Christmas was successful.
Is this really happening, I ask myself on this dreary, rainy night while my brother & parents goof around playing monopoly in the kitchen. I tend to stick in my room to get my thoughts out. I’ve been with people all day & I just need a break. Rather, at times, I keep to myself & love to be in my room writing.
I’ve never felt like this before, I share with my mom as she comes in my room to see how I’m doing. She says, It’s nice to see you so happy, Hope. She smiles & I smile back.
I wake up thinking about him. I can’t stop thinking about him today. Our night enters in & out of my mind as I serve drinks to customers at the local Barnes & Noble cafe. I wear his necklace proudly when I start my shift. No one sees it or asks about it. Not yet, at least!
There’s so much to say. There’s never enough time in the day to hang out. There are always restrictions, barriers, challenges, stops, freezes & halts. But, even with the holds, he’s still worth it. I DO truly believe he is worth it.
If we’re still together, hopefully we will be, I want you to know that I take Valentine’s Day seriously, I say to him while we talk in my living room near the blinking lights on the tree. Are you afraid of what the future will bring? he asks with sadness in his eyes. YES! What will happen between us? Will we stay together forever? Too soon. Too early to tell.
I could see us being together for a while, he responds with a smile. But, what if you get tired of the ride or I get tired of the ride?, I ask. Sweetie, I might get tired of the drive, but I won’t get tired of seeing you. I smile, of course.
It’s true, things can change in a matter of a few months. But, I hope they WON’T! He’s THE sweetest guy I’ve ever met.
I look forward to creating many more memories with you, sweetie. Me too!
I just can’t wait to start the New Year with him!