I’m lost. Completely and utterly lost. There’s NOTHING that you can say or do to cheer me up, get me out of this funk, unless it pertains to my dream job, which is to become a magazine writer.
I was denied by my last choice, my final plan. It was taken from me because I didn’t act quick enough due to work. All the planning, thinking, dreaming & thoughts came crashing down when I read the denial email. Spots were all taken up for the Spring. Where the hell does that leave me? Sifting. Searching. Pawing through job after job, internship after internship, interview after interview. I hate it. But, at the same time, WHO enjoys interviews anyway?!
I feel like I’m dreaming. This isn’t real. This isn’t my life. This isn’t happening, but it IS & let’s face it. Let’s face it together.
Gosh, please tell me something good is coming my way. I NEED it. I feel terrible, horrible, disgusted, like a loser & ashamed. Yes, I haven’t even been out of school for a month, but I want an immediate plan. I HAVE to have a direction because then I’ll just feel like shit. I mean, I totally feel like crap right now. Actually, crap is an understatement. Sad. Disappointed. Depressed. Those are the words that sum up my mood when I received that email at 2:42 p.m. today on this windy, cold day. I sat there stiff in my brother’s car as we pulled away from the library. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. I had put all my energy into THAT magazine. I just didn’t act quick enough. But, would I have gotten it anyway? Would I? I have no idea & I’ll never find out.
My stomach grumbles at the thought of no definite career path right now. I’m working what, 2 days a week. That’s NOTHING. I need something steady, something more. I NEED an internship right now to improve my skills. There’s no other option or way that I can “get in there.” Trust me, I know how it works. I’m very knowledgeable about that sort of thing. It’s no joke. It’s the BIG guns.
What do I do? Yes, I applied for others today, but it wasn’t much. I feel like I scraped from the bottom of the barrel. Know what I need to do? I need to get lost in a novel for an hour then come back to face reality. I mean, I didn’t think it would happen ‘this’ way. I would have preferred to be interviewed then denied because I may always wonder “What if?!” What if I did this? What if I did that? It’s the guessing game. I HATE playing games. Just tell me straight up. Tell me like it is.
I’m so sick right now. I’m exhausted, depressed, saddened & pissed. I’m unsatisfied with the answer I received. Gosh, I can dwell on this all day, but guess what?! It will change absolutely nothing. I can complain, vent & talk about it 24/7, but it still WON’T change the fact that I got rejected! I did. I. Got. Rejected. Let’s admit it Let’s put it out there.
So, tell me now, what’s plan B again?
Think fast. Think quick. You’re running out of time.
Even still, I’ll NEVER give up!