I remember. I remember everything about it–the smells, how I felt, the train rides. Nervousness kicks in and I can’t avoid it. I must move on, let it go, be an adult. What does that even mean? Responsibilities, things grown ups do. WTF? I want to go back, be comfortable. I was good at being a student, a Temple student. That was my job, not doing this New York thing. I swear I’ll appreciate it this time around. I won’t take it for granted. I promise.
Before, I just did my homework, studied, went to school & that was it. I didn’t stop, pause and appreciate my surroundings. I didn’t.
The fumes from the various lunch trucks, the fleet of students, the crammed elevators–Gosh, do I miss it. I want it. I yearn for it. I need it like a smoker needs a cigarette. I can’t help but be connected to that school. I didn’t know, I didn’t realize that I’d feel like ‘this.’ No where in the book did I see this portion. I didn’t see this coming. It came out of no where and I wasn’t able to stop it, push it away. I can’t. I don’t. I won’t get over it. I’ll replay the memories over & over & over in my mind. Why? Maybe because I get bored? Who knows….
I won’t stop. I’m disheveled. I’m disoriented. I am disorganized. I’m a complete & utter mess. I can’t seem to pull myself together, atleast not anytime soon.
I don’t miss the homework. I don’t miss the studying. I don’t miss the tests, exams, midterms, finals, papers & readings– I miss it all. Wholeheartedly and truly.
The weather. The book bag. Students with book bags on back. The cafeteria with pretzels, spicy & hot food. Acting class with Nikki. Gust, Alana, Mike– The Gust Crew. The morning meetings, morning talks before class began. The 2nd Gust class with that guy Matthew Thompson included.
But….. I must move on, move on from my Temple days. Move on like I moved from high school to community college, community college to Temple. Shoprite to Ann Taylor, Ann Taylor to Barnes & Noble–move on.
I used to know every single stop. Every station. Now, I forget. They’ve slipped away from my mind.
After May it’s over– All of it. Officially. Done. Right now, I’m still a Temple student. However, Matt is an alumni. I’ll join him when May comes. I’ll graduate with my BA in English officially.
–These are some thoughts from my quick Temple trip. There are plenty more I’ll post, but for now I leave you with these thoughts….–