How quickly the doubts went away.

Doubts. Feeling unsure, piercing throughout my entire body. There one day, gone the next.

Then, he walks in my room with a blue striped button down short sleeve shirt and everything changes. With a smile on his face, he kisses me on the cheek. All of the doubts, the uncertainty, the break-up thoughts disintegrate, they disappear.

He sits close and asks for a hug. It’s almost been two weeks since we’ve last seen each other. I didn’t want him, I didn’t need him, I wanted to avoid him, but in that moment, there wasn’t anybody that I wanted more, needed more, longed for more than him.

We head to the car and drive to Dallas Diner. We had a dinner and skate date. He orders Pigs and a blanket and I a turkey burger with fries. He is cute. At times, I can’t tell if he’s annoyed or if he’s joking, kidding, not being serious. Who knows.

The Palace, the skating rink, is in Philadelphia, which is about 20 minutes away. After our dinner, we walk to my car laughing and mocking one another. It’s clear– we like each other a lot.

It is a fairly simple drive. Of course, there are mainly teenagers and loud, obnoxious children present at the time. Even when this happens, he doesn’t get bent out of shape about it, he merely goes with the flow, goes with whatever occurs.

As we put on our skates, he gives me a smile. The clock reads 7:35 and public skating is until 10:00 p.m., Would we stay the whole time? Maybe. Who knows.

The start is rough, but we both get the hang out it. Now, let me say this, first off he looked adorable, cute, sexy skating around the rink. In those few hours, I was SURE that I want to be with this guy. I have no clue until when, but I want him. He is so cute, nice, sweet, HILARIOUS, funny, intelligent, adorable. He was everything. He caught me & protected me.

We sit down for a bit to rest. He holds me close. This time, I don’t mind because I want him to do it. Usually, I get annoyed and need my space, but this time is different. I felt different. I wanted him so bad. I needed him. I longed for him. I didn’t want the night to end. I couldn’t let the night end. We were having such a nice, splendid time.

He holds my hand as we skate around the rink. He winks and smiles at me. I like when you rub my arm, he shares while we stand on the sideline waiting to skate.

We skate round and round and round while the music plays overhead. We shout to each other thoughts, stories and jokes. It’s a perfect night and it feels right.

He looks great. I don’t want the night to end. I’ll have to go back to work. Go back to my internship. Go back to reality. Quit living in this dream, fantasy world. I need to return back. But, I can’t. I don’t. I won’t. I shouldn’t. I couldn’t. It doesn’t matter though because like it or not, it’s time.

We stay the entire time. We have too much fun to quit.

We hardly speak on the ride home because he gets tired in moving vehicles when he isn’t driving. Weird. Strange, but it sort of prevents him from talking, so I let it go. I talk. I tell him things.

Then, when we enter back into my house, we take a few pictures. I’m not particularly fond of them, but we can take more later. We can take pictures in the daytime.

But, I know that he has to leave in a few minutes. He can’t stay.

I would tell you that tonight was one of the hardest, roughest times for me. I didn’t want him to leave. I swear I almost cried. I know that I had a twinkle in my eyes. I didn’t want him to drive away. It hurt. It hurt so freakin bad.

We’ll see each other on Tuesday. That’s not too far away, he says while cupping my face in his hands. Tuesday is two days away, but it feels like forever. I want him right now. I need him. I’m yearning for him.

I sit in my room looking at pictures of us. I want to feel his touch, hug him, kiss him, squeeze him.

He doesn’t want to leave. He can’t stop kissing me. He can’t quit hugging me. I just want to hold you, he adds while we’re saying our goodbyes.

The hardest part– goodbye. I dread it, avoid it, push it away. I don’t want to deal with it. I pretend like it isn’t coming, but subconsciously, I know it’s soon.

As soon as skating is over, I know that goodbye will follow after.

Me & my kind of long distance relationship.

It was especially painful tonight. Gosh, all of the doubts. Where the hell did they go? They literally left. I can’t believe how quickly they went away. Holy cow. It seems that they’ve relocated in someone elses body. Good riddance to those nasty, stinky little buggers. I don’t want them hanging around here. Bye bye doubts ;]

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5 thoughts on “How quickly the doubts went away.

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