Rain pours down on a dreary Friday morning. My windows have drops splashed on them.
I wake up in a depressed state. I feel alone & lost, empty even. What is it? Why do I feel this way? What’s the problem? What’s the issue? What’s the problem?
I feel utterly lost. I’m missing something. I’ve misplaced something & cannot locate its whereabouts. I’m sad & emotional. I’m all over the place, which is nothing new. That’s me now– sprawled in several different places.
To add to this, it’s my last week interning in the Big Apple. I have three days left– Monday, Wednesday & Thursday to prove myself, to show something, to separate myself from the rest. The others are gone, but I decided to stay an additional week to help out my editors. I cannot lose contact with those lovely ladies. They are performing the job I hope to obtain one day. I’ll get there. I’ll get it. It takes time. I’ll need to do this in steps, go through various venues to receive that precious gift– becoming an Editorial Assistant. I want it. I’m hungry for it.
But, even though I desire this position so badly I can taste it, I still feel empty & lost. It hasn’t fully sunk in yet that I’ve graduated. In the fall, my life will be bare. What am I doing next? Figure it out. Figure it out. Figure it out NOW. Don’t quit.
You’ll be great, the best,. Don’t give up! I whisper to myself on this gloomy Sunday morning.
I need to focus. I’m fully committed to figuring it out & will NEVER give up. I know what I want & I’ll do anything to get it. I mean, look what I’ve been doing– going to NY for an unpaid internship spending endless amounts of money. It was my dream though. I’ve gotten in & I’m hooked.
I want this. I want this. I want this. I tell myself every single day.
I don’t want to work in retail anymore. I want to be a writer, be a magazine writer. I was told once “Never give up writing. Continue writing & don’t stop.” Nope, not this girl!
I won’t lie– it won’t be easy & I’m terrified beyond belief of my next step. Sometimes, I wish I could crawl underneath my covers & hide from the world. I can’t though & won’t. I’m just very scared.
Everyone asks me that dreaded question I hate– So, what’s next? For starters, shut up, what college graduate wants to answer that question, unless they got lucky & have a job lined up? It’s a dumb question. Don’t ask me, okay? If you’re reading this blog, you already know what I want.
The first few days as a college graduate– Scary. Overwhelming. Lonely. Empty.