On Channel 66, the feature movie is “50 First Dates,” a romantic comedy, starring Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler.
I watch it from start to finish and the missing starts. I begin to think about my ex, my former boyfriend. Some of the scenes bring me back to our relationship. The way Henry (Sandler) looked at Lucy (Barrymore), it brought everything back. My ex used to stare at me in the same way. He would touch me similarly and say the words “you’re beautiful,” every time we saw each other.
Gosh, I miss the compliments. The occasional touching. The kisses. The hugs– the physical touch, having someone to talk to about whatever is on my mind. I miss the idea of having a boyfriend. No, I don’t need nor want a boyfriend. They need constant attention, which I can’t give right now. I have one thing on my mind right now and nothing will get in my way– my career. No matter what happens, that’s the most important thing currently. Sorry, boys. Sure, I’ll go on dates and talk to guys, flirt, dance, have fun, but I don’t want to commit to a guy. I can’t.
Then, when I hung out with one of my best gal pals and she spoke about her fiancee, it made me miss him even more.
On Monday, May 27th, it will be a month since we broke up. I’ve only received one letter from him. I wrote him back last week, but he hasn’t gotten back to me. Will he? Maybe it’s better that he doesn’t write back. Maybe it’s too painful for him. I mean, damn, I’m still struggling a little bit. Only on occasion will I miss him. Today just so happens to be “one of those days.”
I need to focus on myself. Where am I going? Who am I? Yes, I’m still trying to figure that out. It’s not easy. It’s rather difficult to “find yourself.” You’ve got to do some deep thinking. Just try it for a few days & come back to me.
I’m just missing having one of those boyfriends.
Stupid. Dumb. Insane. Crazy. Weird. I know. Trust me.
It’s just.. one of those days.