Unanswered Questions.

12 years.

No, I didn’t forget.

How could I?

How would I?

Eddie Ness. Six years old. Twelve years ago we lost a cutie pie, a boy sweeter than apple pie, a boy who would give anything to you, be kind to you when you needed someone to be, one who always did what he was told.

12 years ago today I sat with my family. We mourned Eddie. We congregated at his house. We comforted, talked & tried to make sense of this whole situation.

How?

Why?

What was the reason?

Was it meant to happen like this?

I ask myself, Why? quite often. What if my other cousin James ingested that thumb tack? Would he still have survived? Would we have been mourning him instead? It could have been either one. Why Eddie? Why? I don’t get it. Can you explain it?

I say this every year, but no one ever comes forth with answers to my questions. Why doesn’t anyone ever respond?! Come on. Please. I’m begging you to tell me why.

I miss him so much.

In a few weeks, he would have graduated from high school. What would he have been like? Strong? Weak? Tall? Short? Attractive? A womanizer? A smoker? A drinker? Can you tell me?

I remember that day like it was yesterday. It replays over & over in my mind. Trust me. I won’t ever forget that. It was a tragedy & you never forget that sort of stuff.

Nope. Not going to happen.

It’s sad. Terribly & utterly sad. Tears stream down my face as I pose these questions.

I. Can’t. Let. Eddie. Go. Nope.

Eddie– You were ALWAYS one of my favorites. I miss your smile, your laugh. I’m scared. Oh, Eddie, I’m so scared of the future. What’s ahead? Clue me in Eddie. Can you tell me what’s in store for me? As the years progress, I’m terrified that the memories will  fade. Will they erase? I can’t let them. I’m worried I’ll forget how you looked, how you hugged. Please don’t let these things stray away. 

I love you, Edwin Joseph Ness.

XOXO.

RIP.

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