9:30– My alarm wakes me up to start the day. I pull the covers back over my body and curl up into a ball. I’m not ready for the day. Even though I’ve prepared myself for this day, I still don’t want to go through with it. I don’t want to shatter his heart into a million pieces. I’ve cried and dreaded this day for the past week and now it has arrived. He’s a great, awesome, fantastic guy, but the doubts have resurfaced and it’s not fair to him to keep up our relationship. I must end it and let him go.
1:00, we meet at the park for “the conversation.” Rather, “the talk.” I literally shake on my drive over. How will he react? What will he say?
The pain in his eyes when I speak the words, “I don’t think I want a boyfriend right now,” have since haunted me. I think & remember the exact moment and relive it at times of sadness. No, of course I haven’t forgotten the memories, the special moments we shared together.
Two months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months. I can’t believe it’s been two months on this exact day that I cut ties with this guy. The last time I heard from him was early May when he wrote me that letter. I wonder sometimes– did he receive my letter? Why didn’t he write me back?
Maybe it was too painful for him to write back & forth. Of course, I’d love to know how he’s doing. I’m not that heartless. I dated the guy for six months! He was the first guy I showed off my body to & did “things” with.
The first few weeks were rough, disgusting, nasty, dreadful, unsettling, but I got through them. I pulled through & became stronger.
I don’t need a guy to be happy. Happiness can be obtained through friends, a dream job, dream house, it doesn’t need to be all because a man.
Two months today was horrid & I’d never go back.