I wake up at the usual time– 9:30 a.m with eyes fluttering. I don’t want to get out of bed because I’m very comfortable. But, I must since I have plans with my brother, him, his girl friend and her boyfriend.
We’re going to “Party on the Parkway” on Ben Franklin Parkway in Philly. The event is jam-packed with food, fun and games–atleast that’s what we assumed.
2:08 p.m.– That’s when the train would pull in to take us to Suburban Station, the stop. We gather our money and meet at the station around 2:05. He arrives late, barely making the train by 2 minutes. He comments about what is wrong with my makeup. You see, he hasn’t seen me wear the amount of makeup I’ve been putting on for the past few months since we haven’t hung out that often. Then, he mentions lipstick on my chin. He looks at me in a different way than usual. My own brother doesn’t even notice the lipstick problem!
Then, all three of us make our way on the train as it pulls up. My brother sits on the window side, him the middle and myself on the end. We all talk, trade some stories and laugh together. Out of nowhere, it happens. The memories. They come floating back so quickly that there’s no time to push them away. I can’t. TEMPLE UNIVERSITY. TRAIN RIDES. Gosh do I miss Temple. I’ve barely been out two months and already I miss it like crazy. I wish I could go back. Make my way back to the much simpler days where I could bury myself in homework.
I remember my ex & I used to sit outside on a bench at Anderson & talk. We would talk about Gust class & the amount of homework we each had. Gosh, I remember it like yesterday. Vivid pictures & memories of us running away from the rain. I remember the way he looked at me, the way we laughed together, smiled, enjoyed each other. Gosh, that’s all part of Temple. TEMPLE ❤
Then, I am snapped back into reality when he asks me what I’m currently doing. Um. Hm. Writing. Working. Searching for something, the meaning to life. Having fun. Trying to enjoy myself while I still can. Feeling sorry for myself. Missing Temple U and all of the memories that went along with it. God do I miss that school. No, I can’t go back. Instead, I must to focus on the day at hand. I try to leave the memories behind for one day & enjoy myself.
Around 3:00, we get to our stop. We all go to the restroom then search for the girl & her significant other. When we see them, he introduces all of us. I try talking to the girl, but she just doesn’t seem interested. I ask her where she works, life sort of questions. She answers, but never asks me anything. I begin walking with my original crowd and let her stay with her boo. We find out that this event is ALL food. It’s ungodly hot and we continue walking to check out the various food vendors. It is a bust because none of us are interested in buying food all day, so we decide to head to TGIFriday’s to grab a drink.
It’s only a few blocks down and the atmosphere is extremely awkward between him and the girl’s boyfriend because he hangs out with the girl a lot. Wouldn’t you be threatened and jealous? Duh.
On this day, he flirts with me and seems to be clingy. Alright. Okay. Hey, there’s a cute guy, duck while I smile at him! I’m so over him (finally!) I can say with 100% that I don’t have any feelings for him & I couldn’t be happier. Nope. Sorry. If he’s still into me, I apologize but I just don’t like you like that anymore.
At one point, when I make a jokey sort of kissy face he says with a weird look in his eyes, I thought you were going to kiss me. Um. No. Thanks. After a drink or two, everyone starts to loosen up and talk. I don’t plan on getting drunk, just merely have a drink or two. That’s it.
Whenever he drinks, he becomes obnoxious and clingy (though I’ve only seen him like that twice). Then, we decide to go to another bar. When we arrive, I see several hot, gorgeous guys that I’d love to get my hands on, but can’t. I’m with my brother and ex-ex for goodness sake! I needed my bestie present! If she were there, we would have been talking to a group of guys. I really missed her at that moment.
He asks me over & over if I’d like a beer. I’ll buy you the cider beer, he offers. No, no thanks. You don’t have to. He just wants to stand by me the whole time. Come on! But, I feel like myself. I am myself. I love the way I act when I’m hanging out with me. I don’t need to push to talk about something, make small talk, just talk to avoid the awkwardness. I can go with the flow & let it go.
We plan to board the 7:45 train, while they take the 7:31 p.m. As we wait in the station, he tells me I’m acting different. Well, I’ve changed. I’m not the same. Since I began this NYC journey, I’ve become different. He just hasn’t hung out with me enough to notice.
On the ride home, he wants to talk while I just want to write. Gosh, I yearn for a piece of paper to write my thoughts, dreams & problems of the day. I look in my purse for anything, a napkin? Nope. Nothing.
AGAIN– It comes back– the memories. They resurface and stick around. We take one of those new trains. In the fall, on Tuesdays & Thursdays, I used to stay after for my then boyfriend. I had a decent amount of homework, but I stayed for two reasons– so I could get some interviews for my most recent story & for him. Oh boy. Then, I would take the West Trenton train, which was usually the new train. I had to stand on the train because it was so crowded. It came back. Oh boy, so strong. The electronic announcements. You haven’t a clue. I wasn’t able to get any homework done since I was standing. It was around 9:00 by the time I made my way home. The next day, I had class at 11:00 and so did he. When I was about to get off at the Temple stop, I’d turn on my Ipod & play the song “Record Collector.” It was a perfect walking-off-the-train-song. Gosh, I remember. They came back. I could go on for hours & hours about what I remember & recall.
He wants to go on an adventure, but truly, all I want to do is go home & write. What a dork, nerd, weirdo, but it’s true. I want to write while the memories are there.
It was an okay day. I believe he uses me as his “back-up” plan when he has no other girls in his life. I think he might still feel a little something for me, but it’s not a girlfriend thing, more of a she’s pretty sort of feeling. I don’t mind, it’s cool. I would NEVER get back together with him though. Nah, Sorrys, dude.
Instead of going on an adventure, we walk up to my local elementary school to watch fireworks, with my other brother. It’s not too bad. The fireworks are nice.
But, I KNEW the memories would flood back as soon as I took that train again. I hated it. Ew. When will I ever get over THIS? What the f*** am I going to do when the fall comes & all of the students are happily going back to school? That’s so not fair. You suck. I so don’t like you. I’m super jealous! That’s unreal.
I must face the facts. I’m no longer a student. Unless I go to grad school, which would only be because I miss school so badly, I will NEVER be a college student. Tears form in my eyes as I think of this notion. You’re gross, nasty, disgusting, grotesque!
This was just my July 4th Adventure, but I’ll have another one to check out my next step.