I sit listening to “Mary, Did You Know?” by Kenny Rogers and browse through StumbleUpon for various articles. Currently, I’m promoting my articles posted on TheCelebrity.com (feel free to take a peek.– type in Hope Kumor).
I click on “French Literature” and am brought back to Gust’s class when my ex gave his presentation. I haven’t a clue why I’m brought back to this moment in time. I remember how nervous he was not making eye contact with a soul until the end. He never once glanced my direction as he spoke. He prepared, practiced & discussed it with me several times, but still, he was deathly afraid to speak in front of the whole class. When I gave mine, I was extremely apprehensive, but I made eye contact with the class since I was being graded on that as well.
At times, moments such as these enter in my mind. They come without warning & I must either brush them to the side or write them down. Can you guess which I chose? ;]
I can’t forget. I won’t forget. Tears stream down my face as I recount these memories. I won’t brush them to the side because they are part of me. I don’t care if I have to write it several times, I’ll do it as many times as need be. I just can’t forget those moments.
Was I happy with him? I was so annoyed, frustrated, angry, pissed, sad, happy, excited– feeling all of these different emotions trying to figure out which was normal. Is it “normal” to be annoyed with your boyfriend when he touches you? Oh, come on, relax buddy! Stop. Halt. Quit while you’re ahead.
The question is– in which moment did I become annoyed when he touched me? It was my internship. I changed. Overtime, I became a different Hope. It taught me so many freakin’ things & I miss it like crazy. Oh, don’t worry, I’ll return to NYC. No worries here.
When will these memories fade a bit? When will I no longer miss him sometimes? When will I stop thinking about him sometimes or talk about him?
Gosh, I hope so.
He just randomly enters into my brain without warning!
When will it end? Please let me know. Clue me in. I’m ready. I’m prepared. Please.