I went to meet with a guy face-to-face about a story I was writing for the Temple News. I hadn’t been to Temple since December and I knew it would all come back to me. The plan was for my then boyfriend to meet me there; I’d meet the guy then the bf and I would get lunch.
As I boarded the train, I became very nervous. It was a mixture of seeing my boyfriend and getting off at the Temple stop. People around me spoke loudly, texted on their phones and listened to loud music. It all came back. The school feeling. Kids with backpacks heading to class while I merely had a meeting with one of the editors.
My meet-and-greet was scheduled at 12:30 and I got there around 11:00. I met him at the Bell Tower, our usual meeting spot. We hugged. I didn’t have that long because after our lunch, I had to babysit.
As 12:30 approached, I became nervous. Whenever I meet someone new, I’m always extremely apprehensive. Not to mention, my article was about my then boyfriend and about the distance. After waiting around for 10 minutes, I was invited in the office by the other editors. Where the heck was this guy? It was 12:50 p.m. Enough was enough. I asked the others if they knew who this guy was. The one gentleman called him on the phone. It appeared he’d forgotten about the meeting and we would instead communicate through email. What was the point of coming then? I made my way down here & he was off-campus. He apologized a bunch of times.
Around 12:55, I texted my boy to tell him I was done. We would get crepes, talk and eat. He was more annoyed than myself about the situation. Even as we ate, I didn’t really know what to talk about. There was always that unspoken silence floating there waiting to be taken up. I never noticed it until afterward.
When I was dating my other boyfriend, I’d love going on long car rides because we got to talk about anything. However, with him, I didn’t feel the same. I couldn’t talk to him in the same way. He would ask me dumb questions at times like, “are you sore?” What kind of question was that? I’d get annoyed and not answer.
After we ate, I had to head back. All I thought about were my Temple days. Also, around that time, I was debating our relationship. When I sent the article to my editor, he told me he wanted to see more emotion come out of the article.
On the ride home, I stared out the window trying to process what was going on. In a few months, I’d be graduating with my BA and going out into the real world. I was scared shitless and couldn’t hide it. Gosh, I just remember thinking about that whole day. I couldn’t get over not attending Temple U in the fall, or spring, or the summer. I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t ready. I felt incomplete & lost. What the hell was going on? Ew. Disgusting. Nasty. Nasty. Dirty. Gross. Yucky. What was I doing? Where was I going? Where was my relationship heading? Did he fit in?
That night, I wrote like the dickens. I didn’t hold back. I couldn’t hold back. I poured my heart out on that piece of paper and never looked back. I convinced myself that I could do this & completed it. I was scared that he’d see it and be hurt. It wasn’t my intention. I just wrote the truth.
If you’re interested in reading the finished product, here you go–http://temple-news.com/essay/the-kind-of-long-distance-relationship/
I’ll most certainly never forget!