I just hate the memories.

I’m standing in the kitchen washing the dishes and then, bang, all of a sudden a memory re-enters  my mind.

My two friends & I are sitting at the Bell Tower at Temple studying for our English class. One of my gals is naming concepts from our class. Then, my other friend answers. I’m a bit distracted & I haven’t studied yet, so I just listen. The plan is for my potential boyfriend to meet us after his class so we could all study together. It’s a cold fall day, so we’re wearing jackets. Oh, I remember the breeze, how cold we were. I am sitting in my holed jeans with my hoodie up while I look over at the guy. He’s so cute in his jacket and tan pants. I could just eat him up as we all study together. I remember every detail of that day.

Afterward, we go grab a bite to eat before his next class. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, he had three classes and on Mondays, Wednesdays & Fridays, I had three classes. I went every day and so did he.

Oh, I could recount so many memories to you. So many thoughts, fears, feelings. SO. MANY. THINGS. 

I remember them all.

I won’t forget. I can’t forget. I don’t want to forget. 

I’m doing something. Then, out of nowhere, the memories come flooding back. They all come without warning. I can’t stop them. Why do they come?

I hate them. I hate the memories. I hate feeling like this. I hate having them. I hate feeling them.

I just hate the memories.


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