“You’re gorgeous” “You’re so small” “You’re petite” “You’re such a beautiful girl” “You’re very pretty” “You’re stunning.”
You can state all of these characteristics, but when it boils down, I see myself in a different way than you see me.
Today, I feel fat, nasty, disgusting, grotesque, not myself. Maybe it has to do with not working out this morning. I figured since I’m hiking through the forest later, that would be sufficient. I’m beginning to think it’s too much now. Too much thinking, worrying, pondering about my body. I can’t just be ME. I feel the need to lose weight, tighten my stomach, over exert myself to the point where I’m exhausted, punish myself for indulging too much. What’s it going to take to really feel comfortable in my skin? To really love myself? To love my body the way it is? Everyone tells me I have a nice body, but I don’t believe them, merely brushing off the words and concentrating on mine, the negative ones. What’s the deal? Why? I haven’t a clue.
Here’s a thought– Love yourself. Love who you are. Love your body. Love your assets. You’re ‘you’ forever.
I keep forgetting. I’m Hope Marie Kumor and always will be. I’ll always be her & I can’t change that. I don’t ever remember a time where I felt comfortable with my body. Maybe to you it sounds crazy, berserk, whacked, insane, but it’s true. It’s 1050% the truth. I can’t get over it. What changes can I make in order to really love myself? I tell others to love themselves & I can’t even do it myself. I’m a fraud, fake, phony. I don’t live by my own rules. I dish them out, but don’t follow them myself. Ew. You’re nasty, gross, disgusting, crazy, loca, but I’m just being honest.
I just keep forgetting to love myself.