I just miss everything.

The breeze gives me chills. I smell the fall just by the air. I can feel it. Oh, I remember.

A year ago around this time, I was in my senior year, my last year in college. I was about to meet a guy. A guy I would have a 6-month relationship with & didn’t even know it. I didn’t know what was ahead, but I knew I had to concentrate on school. I had to fully commit to school. I had big projects, studying, work & reading to do. No matter what, there was always something to do, something to get done, something to accomplish. I was always stressed, always pressed for time, always wanting, yearning for it to end, but I had no clue how I’d feel when it actually ended. Like, how would I feel when it was completely over? I didn’t take that into consideration. Instead, I just wanted the papers, the chaos, the stress, the annoyance to pass through. If I could do it again, I would certainly appreciate it.

I’m thinking about getting a certificate in Nutrition. Would that change anything? Would I be able to obtain an internship or job in Health & Fitness Magazines? But, did another one of my classmates have that background? How did he do it? Well, I kind of want to know about the nutrition field. I mean, I really like it. Then, I could go back to school & write about, study, read, do homework & appreciate it this time. Really. I could do it once more. I still have time. There’s still time. I could still go back.

Maybe I will go back. I just have to think about everything that goes along with it. Think. Think. Think. Remember. Pros & Cons.

At times, I feel so sad about school. Other times, I tell myself to move forth, move forward with my life & don’t look back. Try not to look back. I need to be in the present, be here right now. What’s the use of looking back? I hate looking back. I want to look forward.

It’s time to move on, but it won’t be easy. I will still write about this. I will still think about it. How could I completely let it go in such a short time? I’m very nostalgic. I have to be.  I always have been.

Lately, I haven’t felt like talking. I hate when others ask me THAT question, that annoying normal question, “how are you?” Please, don’t ask me. I’d prefer you not to. I would like to skip past that question & talk about something else. Maybe we could talk about you instead? Maybe we could talk about your relationships, your thoughts, your dreams, your schooling, let’s go. Change the subject. Change it before I roll my eyes & move on.

I HATE that question. Everything about it annoys the hell out of me. I’ve changed. I’m so different. I’m a bit more quieter letting you talk instead of me. 

I just miss everything.


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