Low on storage my phone read this morning. Okay, time to delete some applications from my phone to free up space.
I looked through the many apps I had, but couldn’t find it in my heart to delete them. Instagram? No way. Facebook? Ut-uh. Google Maps? Hell no.
Voice Dialer, which takes up 40.00 gigs, yes. I simple pushed the delete button and went on my way. Or so I thought.
To my surprise, it erased all of my text messages. Every text message that I sent on that phone was gone. My Temple Days. Tennessee Days. Matt Days. Friend Days.
It. Was. Gone.
I began to think, freak out, ponder, wonder how could I have been so stupid? Why would I just erase everything?
It’s a clean slate. Everything is gone. I texted my bestie to tell her my horrible news, but she took it as a sign. Now all of your texts from Matt are erased.
Honestly, I never could have deleted them. EVER. I would have saved them to read, enjoy, go back in time, but now I can’t. It’s gone, done, like my relationship, over.
Temple Days are gone. My relationship is over. Tennessee has come & gone.
Later, I began to really think about it. It’s time to move on. It’s time to really let go of the past & move on. For real this time. No jokes. No gimics. No avoiding. Nothing. I NEED to keep going. I didn’t feel like working out, but I pushed myself. I had to. I told myself that I needed to workout.
Toward the end of my ab rolls, I began thinking again & I was depressed. I told myself not to cry, hold it in. I couldn’t smile. I couldn’t laugh. I couldn’t do anything but frown.
The text messages were gone & I couldn’t get them back. It’s as if they’ve floated away in the air.
It really hit me after that. Gosh, I cried. I cried for everything. Temple Days. Matt Days. Tennessee Days. Her Campus Days. Good Housekeeping Days. NYC. Philadelphia. Train. Food Truck.s Tea. Gosh.
Do you realize a year ago around this time, I had just developed a crush on Matt? The elevator ride anniversary is coming up as well. I believe it was around September 29th or so. That date is just around the corner. I miss it.
I miss the kisses. I miss the hugs. I miss the talks. I miss the compliments. I miss it all. Gosh, this text message thing brought all of it back to the surface. Why? How? When? Who? What?
I’m done. I do indeed want to truly be done with all of this mumbo jumbo. Just drop it. Leave it in the park & not come back to it.
I will. I promise. I still couldn’t see Matt right now. I couldn’t.
As my bestie read the tarot cards, she told me I was really effected by the break-up in April. I’m still reeling from it. It took a lot out of you, she added with a sincere look in her eyes. I knew it. I nodded my head because I knew it. I know that. I did. You may not think it did, but you’re wrong.
Gosh, I cared for him dearly. He was the first guy I exposed my whole self to. I did it all– except the deed. We got close– physically, mentally & emotionally. Then, boom, I dropped the bomb. I had to end it. I felt like he was holding me back. I couldn’t take it. In ways, I feel so relieved, but I’m not over it. We dated for 6 months. It’s been 5 months. It usually takes the same amount of months dating as it does to get over the other person. So, according to that, I should be over him by.. next month?
Those damn text messages really stirred nasty, unwanted thoughts back into my brain. Re-living the past sometimes sucks.