Those damn text messages really stirred nasty, unwanted thoughts back into my brain.

Low on storage my phone read this morning. Okay, time to delete some applications from my phone to free up space.

I looked through the many apps I had, but couldn’t find it in my heart to delete them. Instagram? No way. Facebook? Ut-uh. Google Maps? Hell no.

Voice Dialer, which takes up 40.00 gigs, yes. I simple pushed the delete button and went on my way. Or so I thought.

To my surprise, it erased all of my text messages. Every text message that I sent on that phone was gone. My Temple Days. Tennessee Days. Matt Days. Friend Days.

It. Was. Gone.

I began to think, freak out, ponder, wonder how could I have been so stupid? Why would I just erase everything?

It’s a clean slate. Everything is gone. I texted my bestie to tell her my horrible news, but she took it as a sign. Now all of your texts from Matt are erased. 

Honestly, I never could have deleted them. EVER. I would have saved them to read, enjoy, go back in time, but now I can’t. It’s gone, done, like my relationship, over.

Temple Days are gone. My relationship is over. Tennessee has come & gone. 

Later, I began to really think about it. It’s time to move on. It’s time to really let go of the past & move on. For real this time. No jokes. No gimics. No avoiding. Nothing. I NEED to keep going. I didn’t feel like working out, but I pushed myself. I had to. I told myself that I needed to workout.

Toward the end of my ab rolls, I began thinking again & I was depressed. I told myself not to cry, hold it in. I couldn’t smile. I couldn’t laugh. I couldn’t do anything but frown.

The text messages were gone & I couldn’t get them back. It’s as if they’ve floated away in the air.

It really hit me after that. Gosh, I cried. I cried for everything. Temple Days. Matt Days. Tennessee Days. Her Campus Days. Good Housekeeping Days. NYC. Philadelphia. Train. Food Truck.s Tea. Gosh.

Do you realize a year ago around this time, I had just developed a crush on Matt? The elevator ride anniversary is coming up as well. I believe it was around September 29th or so. That date is just around the corner. I miss it.

I miss the kisses. I miss the hugs. I miss the talks. I miss the compliments. I miss it all. Gosh, this text message thing brought all of it back to the surface. Why? How? When? Who? What? 

I’m done. I do indeed want to truly be done with all of this mumbo jumbo. Just drop it. Leave it in the park & not come back to it.

I will. I promise. I still couldn’t see Matt right now. I couldn’t.

As my bestie read the tarot cards, she told me I was really effected by the break-up in April. I’m still reeling from it. It took a lot out of you, she added with a sincere look in her eyes. I knew it. I nodded my head because I knew it. I know that. I did. You may not think it did, but you’re wrong.

Gosh, I cared for him dearly. He was the first guy I exposed my whole self to. I did it all– except the deed. We got close– physically, mentally & emotionally. Then, boom, I dropped the bomb. I had to end it. I felt like he was holding me back. I couldn’t take it. In ways, I feel so relieved, but I’m not over it. We dated for 6 months. It’s been 5 months. It usually takes the same amount of months dating as it does to get over the other person. So, according to that, I should be over him by.. next month? 

Those damn text messages really stirred nasty, unwanted thoughts back into my brain. Re-living the past sometimes sucks.


One thought on “Those damn text messages really stirred nasty, unwanted thoughts back into my brain.

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