I feel it. I want it. I yearn for it.

I woke up smiling, feel happy, feeling on top of the world.

HAPPINESS– This sort of emotion rarely happens to me. After all, I’ve never really been happy with anything. It takes me A LOT to truly just be happy. I could have everything in the world. and yet, still be miserable. That’s the terrible, horrible aspect of myself. It just takes so much for me. But, this morning was different.

Every morning after I hang out with new guy, I feel different. It’s unexplainable and hard to describe. I don’t feel myself. No, it’s not a bad sort of feeling, rather it’s a good one. I’m trying to express it in words, in language, but it’s rather difficult and hard to explain.

So, you know how people say, I’ve never felt like that before with a guy, blah, blah, blah. Well, I’ll have to be the one to say that too. However, this time, it’s a different way. I’ve had 4 relationships thus far in my life. The first two didn’t last that long and they were part of “high school.” Then, I dated two more guys. One lasted a year & a half and the other 6 months. During those 6 months, we really got to know each other and explored one another. The year & a half relationship was a bit different though, awkward, strange, un-normal, weird, but I liked the guy so, so much. Anyhow, this guy blows both of those guys out of the water.

While in my room, we lay together, with my head on his chest. I actually feel comfortable and don’t have to lay on bones this time around, I think to myself. He constantly needs to look at me, wants to look at me, desires to look at me, telling me I’m beautiful, pretty, cute. With a twinkle in his eyes, he says, You’re perfect over and over. 

Do you need me? I ask him with a straight face. With a nod and a deep look in his eyes, he says, Yes, I do. 

He wants me and I want him. He needs me and I need him. He desires me and I desire him.

I’m not a sexual person and I could never get into it with the other half-men I dated. However, with him, I feel like things could really happen.

I feel it. I want it. I yearn for it.


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