I had NO clue I could feel like this about a guy.

When I begin speaking with Brett Evans, I thought nothing of it. I mean, sure, I thought, this guy is sort of special, but other than that, I didn’t think of long-term. Why would I? We didn’t even know each other. At all. We spoke every day after October 8th. We texted without knowing the voice of the other. Then, finally on October 16th, we hung out.

I got scared, petrified and let my fears take over this new relationship. I never stopped and thought, why am I so afraid? Instead, I placed this guy in the friend zone. I thought he was weird, strange and not for me. I sort of missed my ex. I felt so comfortable with him and wanted him. I pushed this new guy away.

But, then, when we hung out again that Saturday, I liked him all over again stating, we’re going to take this very, very slow. I mean, really, really slow, I remember saying in the car. Later, he confessed a few things about his past that saddened me to the core. Text. Speak. Hang Out.

Never in a million years did I believe we’d move in together. Never in a million years did I believe he was the one. Never in a million years did I believe we’d get this close. I didn’t think about it. I didn’t think. No, I did not want a boyfriend. I did not need a guy. I was independent and focused on me. I was focused on my career. I was prepared. I was ready. I was committed.

Even when I landed the FC internship, I began looking for jobs & internships so I wouldn’t screw myself over once it ended. I looked, sifted, searched & browsed the internet on a daily basis. I was very FOCUSED and no one, not a soul would get in my way. I did not want a guy. That was the last thing on my mind.

I didn’t think it would actually happen though. I wasn’t looking for a relationship, instead, I was looking for a career. Guess what though? As focused as I was on my career, it didn’t get me anywhere. I mean, I CAN have a career & a relationship. Look– I thought your career was Number 1, but that was before I met the man of my dreams. I thought it was more important than having a connection with someone. I stood by saying NUMBER 1) Career NUMBER 2) Relationship each & every day. I was prepared. But, in the end, the relationship won. The relationship was #1. I was wrong. They are both NUMBER 1.

Maybe I was supposed to learn a lesson in regards to this career stuff. Maybe meeting Brett was supposed to happen & he helped me believe that your career isn’t everything.

I had no clue I’d fall madly in love with this guy. I just kept stating, oh, he’s weird and I no longer want to see him. My bestie told me one of her friends thought her now long-term boyfriend was strange when they first met & now they are MADLY in love. She told me that as I confessed how strange this guy was. I remember. Oh, I remember everything.

We lay in my room and talking about how I don’t know what I would do without him. No, I would not be okay. I would be extremely upset & devastated. I tell him, I would be just as sad as you. I notice he barely says anything. It seems his eyes begin to water a little and he gets choked up, but doesn’t let it show.

He’s gotten like that before, but can’t fully cry. He holds it in and won’t show that side of himself. He can’t. But, I know it will happen eventually. Of course.

Let me just say though, I had NO clue I could feel like this about a guy. No way. No how.