AUGUST 2, 2014
(Summer 2013. Let’s go back just for tonight to reflect.)
I was single, missing Temple, depressed, up & down, job searching, a brand new college graduate & looking for a relationship. June-July, I was hungry for a guy. I wanted, yearned & needed a guy to feel complete. I wanted someone who I could turn to whenever I was sad. My bestie, Jess & I went through the same thing. We both wanted a man. We went out a ton and signed up for dating websites to fill that void. But, nothing was ever enough. I just broke up with my boyfriend a few months back and was having difficulty getting over him.
AUGUST 18TH, 2013–
Because I don’t really like when guys touch me.
I don’t really like the physical contact as much. And, I don’t really want to get physical. It feels like a task, a chore. Does that make any sense?!
To think of myself now is crazy! My boyfriend is extremely affectionate & I love it. How strange is that? A year ago, I couldn’t stand when guys were all over me. It annoyed the living shit out of me and now, I just love when my boyfriend pulls me in to cuddle with him. In fact, I LOVE cuddling & being close to him. I look forward to it. If it were up to me, I’d cuddle with him every day, every hour, every minute. Um. I so wasn’t like that before. Ask anyone & they will tell you how I used to be.
I was reading through some entries of August 2013. On August 6th, I felt as if something good was coming. I mean, I KNEW something was going to happen. Did I predict a relationship brewing? Did I know somehow?
August 6th, 2013–
It’s coming. I feel it. I taste it. I smell it. I can’t tell you what it is or describe it, but something is coming up.
I had no clue what 2014 would bring.
Last summer, periodically, I would sit in my room most nights & do nothing. I was bored out of my freekin mind. I can’t even think what I used to do before Brett! How crazy is it to think of yourself a year ago? Who was I? What was I doing? What was I thinking? Where was I going? Who was I hanging out with? Speaking to? Feeling? Imagining?
I was sad, lonely & depressed. I was 24 & obsessed with finding a man to fill the void.
The bestie & I were getting ready to hit the town looking hot as shit. We put on loads of makeup ready to meet guys. I drove us to 700 club. The smell of alcohol hit my nose & lite up my senses. We drank one beer each & danced. We were single gals looking for a good time. We spoke with some guys, who grinded with us. We never met them, but danced the night away. Even though I so wasn’t feeling him, I still gave him my number at the end of the night. Whatever, I thought. I did it for fun. He texted me, but I just wasn’t interested. Nah. No. Whatever.
Now, a year later, I’m with Brett. In two weeks, his sister will get married. I’ll be part of her celebration & I cannot wait. I’m stoked, excited & looking forward to it! Sweet. Awesome. Stellar. Excited.
Just think, a whole year can really make a difference!