I have an ongoing series called FEARLESS FEMALE FRIDAY on Tvgrapevine.com. The articles outline my struggling 20’s and how I’m coping with life, career and growing up.
Here’s my latest article called-
So, I’m the type of gal who dramatize a situation and makes it bigger than it actually is. I sum up the situation as a huge deal. Maybe I do so in order to gain attention or because I’m bored? To be honest, I’ve been trying to think about why lately.
While chit-chatting with my bestie last week at a local cafe, I told her my “troubles.” She wanted to get to the root of my problems. It seems whatever I do, I’m just not happy or satisfied. But, the question at hand is why? Why can’t I ever feel fulfilled and just be happy? Why do I need to constantly write in order to feel a sense of satisfaction? Why do I keep looking for ways to fill me up?
My bestie asked me, “Why can’t you just live a simple life without any complications?” Well, to me, that would be boring. For me, it seems I need constant excitement and something to continuously occur in order to feel happy.
Recently, I’ve been searching for jobs in other states. My parents questioned this and wanted to know why I couldn’t search around the area. My mother believes I’m running away from something; she thinks I’m running away from my problems. The thing is, it’s too damn expensive where I live and I desire another sense of scenery. And, maybe I want to create a new life for myself. I’m hoping to become happier in another environment. I’m sick of living here and am tired of doing the same thing all the time.
My bestie doesn’t think moving will bring me happiness. She thinks it will just be a change in landscape, but that’s it. The thing is, don’t I have to learn this sort of stuff on my own? I keep getting taught lessons, yet I make the same mistakes. It’s my problem though and there’s no other party to blame. I must begin to pay closer attention to these lessons being thrown at me instead of dodging them and shrugging them off.
I just want to be happy and I think living a “simple life” just isn’t in the cards for me. I must be doing multiple things at the same time. I’m not a one-thing type of gal. I’m not apologizing for who I am or what I want out of life either. I am who I am and if a change is what I need, I’m going after it.
I often tend to put others before myself and I can no longer do so. It hasn’t gotten me anyway. Actually, it’s screwed me over because in the end, I’m left with nothing but loneliness. I allow others to make decisions for me, but it’s not happening this time.