Dating Someone With OCD

I love him, but my boyfriend is driving me absolutely nuts! We just recently moved into an apartment together and he constantly needs to plan what our next move will be. Like, for once, I’d like to just go with the flow and not have concrete plans. But, if he doesn’t plan something, he seems to go stir-crazy.

We’ve been dating for 16 months and I’m very happy with him. Well, I’m not thrilled about the OCD side of him, but guess what, I must deal and cope with him just as he has. Rather, I must think of ways to understand and not constantly ask him why we must do this and that.

I’ve learned that there are various types of OCD. Some people have rituals and routines they must follow in order to get through the day. While others make lists and stick to certain patterns when decorating.

My boyfriend has the OCD that involves list-making and event planning. Ever since we moved, he’s constantly telling me all the errands we must run and it’s driving me bonkers. For one night, I’d like to relax and not have a set plan.

Take a breather.

The other night, he told me to do some research on OCD to see what it entails because I suppose I wasn’t be supportive or understanding in his time of needs.

According to Mayo Clinic, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is characterized by unreasonable thoughts and fears (obsessions) that lead you to do repetitive behaviors (compulsions). It’s also possible to have only obsessions or only compulsions and still have OCD.

He said to me, “If I could turn this off, don’t think for a second that I wouldn’t.” I thought maybe he would somehow get over it or it would go away, but it’s not that simple. If I want to be with him, I must love every part of him. There will be good times as well as bad times. I know if the roles were reversed, he would alter himself a bit to accommodate me.

Relationships are about sacrifice and give and take.  I know that he must complete a project once he starts it, but I’m not sure if I’ll understand why. If it was me, I would return to it the next day. But, I don’t have OCD, so I can do that. As for him, his brain tells him he has to finish it or else he’ll go crazy.

From now on, I’ll be a more supportive girlfriend and keep doing my research on this disorder.

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10 thoughts on “Dating Someone With OCD

  1. “I thought maybe he would somehow get over it or it would go away”

    OCD is a mental illness. Telling someone to get over it or hoping that it goes away is not how to deal with the situation.

    You don’t need to do research. All you need to do is understand that, in the same way you (hopefully) wouldn’t tell someone with cancer that they’re annoying, you shouldn’t be saying that your boyfriend’s OCD is “driving [you] absolutely nuts.”

  2. Hi there! Just thought I’d let you know that I have nominated you for the Liebster Award. If you need any help I have written a full blog post explaining what it means and what you need to do! Enjoy!

  3. I think it shows compassion that you’re learning more about his disorder and it will help you find more patience because it would be very frustrating to live with someone with OCD.

  4. Being in a relationship is hard whenever both people are not completely the same. My guy does certain things that drive me crazy because I don’t understand why he has to do it. I’m sure he feels the same with me 😛 But if everything was perfect in a relationship then it wouldn’t be fun ❤ It takes a LOT of patience and love.

    http://www.sillycrazylove.com

  5. What you’re describing doesn’t neccessarily sound like OCD, and to be honest, this blog post isn’t particularly well-researched or informative. Needing to be organised and make plans doesn’t equate to having obsessions or compulsions, nor does needing to finish projects. Please don’t armchair diagnose based on a Google search.

    This – “I’ve learned that there are various types of OCD. Some people have rituals and routines they must follow in order to get through the day. While others make lists and stick to certain patterns when decorating.” – I just can’t believe that you wrote that. That’s a great way of minimising what can be an extremely debilitating disorder that can cause amazing disruption to someone’s life; they need to stick to patterns when decorating. PATTERNS WHEN DECORATING?!

    If your boyfriend genuinely feels that he may have OCD, he should ideally investigate seeing a therapist. My brother has OCD, and experienced compulsions associated with counting, repetitive cleaning, performing activities in pairs, and locking/unlocking doors (it could take an age to get him out of the house). This started from a very young age, and he used to say that if he didn’t perform the ritual/repetitive behaviour then the “spirits” that told him to do it would hurt me or my parents – this was obviously very distressing for him. Now that he’s older he’s much less frank about what drives the behaviour, and just says that he “has” to do it. Behavioural therapy was very effective for him in helping to reduce the number of tics and compulsions he experienced so that he can do basic stuff like get to work on time without getting derailed by needing to re-fill the coffee machine perfectly 24 times in a row.

    If anyone wants more information on OCD, it can be found here: http://www.ocduk.org/ocd.

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