By Hope Kumor
Circa Leather & Lace
I vowed never to create an online dating account.
I would never give in and upload photos and my information on a website due to fear of being stalked. Guys have creeped on me before, sometimes following me in the store or staring at me in rather unsettling ways. I felt absolutely desperate and needy even thinking of it. In fact, my mom always told me I’d “meet someone when I least expected it” so I refused to try this online thing. Also, I didn’t want to pay for a service because no matter what, I didn’t feel that desperate.
Things changed after I broke up with my boyfriend and I’d graduated from college. My bestie and I were newly single and we went out a lot. We were always hitting the town and having fun. She was the one who convinced me to make a Plenty of Fish—an online dating site—with her . Instead of fighting it, I went along for the ride. I have to admit — not only did I feel desperate, I felt absolutely disgusting each time I logged onto the site because I was so against it, but I did want to try something new.
I received a lot of messages in the first few minutes and I was amazed. Some were creepy and others were sort of cute. I spoke to several guys at the same time. I was always skeptical of these men, and didn’t give my number out so easily. Each time I’d have a decent conversation with a guy I liked, he’d disappear out of the blue. I soon realized that both men and women often do that on these sites because they find someone else or get bored.
I wasn’t having a good time. Part of it was that I was missing my ex-boyfriend, and the other part was my disappointment in the career department. I had so much on my mind that having a boyfriend was (honestly) the last thing on my list. But, still, I kept on wanting someone to be there because I missed that.
The summer months went by and in late August, I deleted my Plenty of Fish account because I was frustrated with men (in general). But then again in September, without anyone else knowing it, I created an account on another dating site called OKcupid. I would sign on late at night and would speak with guys as if it was a secret. I developed this unsettling feeling in my stomach that wouldn’t go away. I didn’t want to rely on a guy. I was speaking with a guy in the army for a while and had feelings for him. I gave him my number but nothing really developed with him.
On October 6th, I finally met Brett, someone who was interested in two things I’m quite passionate about—writing and health & fitness. The first thing he asked me was how I got into health & fitness. I’m into working out and so is he . We immediately had that in common. We continued sending notes back and forth. The difference was we’d have very deep conversations — death, life, our inner thoughts and feelings. We’d speak about anything and everything before we even met. I was scared, but liked this guy!
We finally met on October 16th and to my surprise, the date turned out awesome because he was so sexy and had big muscles (pictures never do people justice). But more importantly, there were no awkward pauses or shifty eyes. We went to work out— really important to both of us— and afterwards went to grab a bite to eat and all seemed to be going well. But the second date wasn’t that great. We were supposed to go apple picking, but that didn’t work out well and for some odd reason, he didn’t appear as confident. I remember I really didn’t enjoy myself and remember missing my ex-boyfriend.
I kind of decided to place him in the friend zone. I tried to explain to him that I wasn’t sure if I wanted a boyfriend.
But, then my bestie found a guy around the same time and we planned a double date. It was a bit awkward since I’d just told the guy I wished to be friends, but my bestie told me not to give up on him yet. So, we planned to go to a haunted house that Saturday. He picked me up and we flirted on the way over to my friend’s house, but I knew it was confusing him. Throughout the night, those feelings for him came back.
While we stood in the haunted house, I merely looked at him.
For some reason, I just wanted him. He was shocked when I asked to hold his hand. I was feeling so many different emotions. I liked him. I didn’t. I needed him. I didn’t want him.
Later that night, he asked me point blank, “so, what’s going on here?” I told him that I wanted to take things really, really slow, I mean, like really, really slow and he agreed. This was November and by Valentine’s Day he told me he loved me and I said it back. I was always so afraid of love. I was always scared to fall in love. I never wanted to lean on someone for too long due to fear getting hurt.
In a million years, I never imagined finding someone on the internet. I admit that it can be full of creepers, stalkers, guys who just want sex and desperate people. I didn’t want to be part of that group, but now, I guess I am. I don’t tell too many people I met Brett online because I’m scared they will judge me, but ready or not, here I come!
I have a successful online relationship and I’m not afraid to admit it! So, let the judging begin!
If you’re going to correspond with someone online, you need to write enough for the other person to be able to respond with questions (so you can get to know one another). You simply cannot state “whatever” or “nothing.” Also, don’t feel embarrassed about going online to find love. Before I did it, I thought people who dated online must be desperate, but now, since meeting Brett, I feel like everyone is doing it and it’s okay! I even got my brother to make an account!
I didn’t think in a million years that I’d meet THE PERFECT GUY on a stupid website. You never know who you’re going to meet on these sites!