I’m jealous of a dog.
There, I said it and I mean it. I know what you’re thinking too– you are one pathetic human being. When it comes to attention, it’s a constant need of mine. I must always be in the limelight or else I feel shitty.
In all started when I was a kid. I was the only girl and middle child. Without knowing it, my mother always paid attention to my younger brother more than myself. Even though she claimed she treated us equal, there was always something telling me otherwise. When I brought it to her attention, she’d simply said, “He’s the baby of the family, he needs me a bit more.” Maybe I was being a baby myself, but I really craved that attention and when I didn’t get it, I would act out.
That still happens to this day.
My boyfriend and I recently moved about 850 miles away from family and friends. The second week, I was an emotional wreck! I yearned for attention from my boyfriend, who was the only one around. As much attention as he gave me, it still wasn’t enough No matter what, I always required more.
So, when this idea of getting a dog came up, in the back of my mind, that was a concern. I know it shouldn’t have been because we wanted a dog to feel more settled and wanted to learn responsibility, but I kept thinking about my boyfriend being more attentive with that pooch than me. I tried to shake it off and just go with the flow, so I said, “sure.”
But, it happened.
Once that dog entered into our apartment, my boyfriend laid and cuddled with him while I made dinner. When I saw that, I immediately began jealous. It brought me back to when I was young and my mother attended to my brother’s every need. And, I hated the feeling of not being enough. I know it wasn’t that way and I know it’s dumb to be jealous of an animal, but I was! I tried to stay focused on making dinner, but it ate at me.
He wrestled with our new puppy and I was left flipping pancakes. I felt a need to leave the apartment because that way, I wouldn’t see their interaction. It hurt me more than you could ever imagine. This begged questions such as — why am I such an attention seeker? Why do I require so much attention?
I believed it to be “middle child syndrome.” According to Wisegeek.com, the effects of middle child syndrome are numerous. The child may feel as if he or she does not belong, given all the attention given to the oldest and youngest. The middle child may also feel as if he or she is loved less, have low self-esteem, and suffer from a lack of a sense of direction.
I mean, the difference is I have more drive than both my brothers combined, but most times, I do not feel as though I belong. Therefore, I chalk this one up as being “middle child syndrome.” In part, it’s my fault, but I do believe since my parents kept me in a bubble and always coddled us kids, I require someone’s full attention. And, when my emotional need isn’t met, I act out by making a situation more dramatic than it actually is. For instance, if I’m not feeling well, I overplay it and get more attention from my boyfriend. Maybe it has to do with maturity or whatever, but I hope one day I won’t need so much damn attention!
Via Huffington Post