The “I Was Wrong” Article

I was wrong.

I shouldn’t have complained about my life when there are people struggling to eat, find a nice and warm place to sleep, scraping to pay rent and car insurance, and being poor. I shouldn’t have cried and ranted on about the luxuries in life while someone else was slowly dying. I should be happy to be where I am and have such a support system around me. And, I was wrong. I own up to my stupid mistakes. I regret immaturely complaining on the internet about the things I wanted instead of the things I needed to have.

To some, going on vacations and even dinner out are luxuries and I guess I never thought that until it popped in my head that others are envious of what I have. And, I should be thankful that I’m able to eat food every day and that I can afford to buy new clothes from time-to-time. I’ve always been middle class, but I didn’t take the time to think about the poor. And, I apologize for being ignorant and childish.

Reading over my articles and past stories has brought this notion to life and I am sorry. I am 26 years old and I need to start acting like it. Instead of complaining about what I don’t have, I choose to focus on what I do have. And, I wish to allow others to begin seeing me in another light. I do not want to be labeled as “the spoiled brat.” That xojane.com article labeled me as such and I’m done being upset about the continuous comments. Instead, I’ve learned from it and am moving forward.

So, if you want to continue to bash me, you’re just as immature as I used to be. I owned up to my mistakes and am fully responsible for writing an article that did nothing but make me look like a snob. Therefore, I hope you’ll start to see me for who I really am.

What I’ve Learned So Far Moving to Another State

Just because you relocate doesn’t mean your problems dissolve.

In the beginning, you’re on cloud nine because you feel as if it’s a new start and you expect things to be different. You might be searching for yourself and wish to find it in another state, but that might not always be the case. You might find that your lack of self-confidence still awaits you at your front door or you as a person is exactly the same.

I believe moving to another state was the best decision I’ve ever made and I would never take it back if I had to do it again. I’ve learned so much in just five months that I don’t believe I could have learned in my hometown. I don’t need to rely on others to make decisions for me. I know how to take care of a living creature. I can lean on myself and I feel stronger as a person. My parents were always there to help me out, but in another state, I learned how to handle situations on my own. I no longer have a crutch because my parents live 800 + miles away.

But, I so badly wanted to relocate because I figured my boyfriend and I would get to experience more things and have more time to have fun, but I was wrong. One day it’s raining and the next day it’s sunny skies. You cannot predict what the weather is going to do. And, if it’s not raining, it’s hot as hell. I should have known that a southern state would be hotter, but I was too naïve and too wrapped up in yearning for change that I didn’t’ think too much about it. However, at the same time, if I would have thought too hard, I would have allowed my fear to take over.

Right before I left, my best friend said to me, “You know, Hope, you think moving to another state will all of a sudden make you happy and that’s probably not the case.” And, maybe I did believe that I would be cured and I was being naïve. Things aren’t always what they pan out to be and that’s okay because there’s always a lesson to be learned.

Via Huffington Post

No Such Thing as “The Perfect Guy”

Girls play out how meeting Mr. Right will be, how their dress will look and how their wedding will seem. As girls, we often fantasize about our dream guy. In this fantasy, our guy will be perfect in every shape and form.

In part, I blame this on romantic movies. They depict the guy being flawless in every which way. But, here’s the truth: that is crap! The “perfect guy” is not perfect. Maybe he’s perfect for you, but he makes mistakes just like the rest of us. He doesn’t have every single characteristic we’re searching for and he certainly gets underneath our skin from time-to-time.

I had this notion that my perfect guy had blonde hair and blue eyes, but that changed over time. As long as I was attracted to him and he was good to me, nothing else mattered. That took me a while to realize though. It didn’t happen overnight. Eventually, I learned to love and accept my boyfriend’s flaws. And, what can I say? I’m no angel; I have moments where I can be a bit too much, but my boyfriend wouldn’t break up with me over that.

The strangest thing about dating my boyfriend is once upon a time, I placed him in the friend zone. I couldn’t get over my ex-boyfriend, so I pushed him away. And, maybe he just wasn’t “perfect” enough for me. Maybe I thought he wasn’t “good” enough. I questioned why I was kicking him to the curb when he did nothing wrong. I wanted him in my life, so I turned things around and ended up having him.

To think, I could have lost a great life partner if I didn’t call him back. As I grow-up, I’m coming to terms that my boyfriend isn’t perfect, but he’s pretty damn close!

Via Huffington Post

How Terrifying Life Can Be

Watching “The Theory of Everything” the other night with my boyfriend made me realize how short life can be. Stephen Hawking–who developed motor neutron disease–had his whole life ahead of him, but it was shattered when his ability to walk and talk came to a halt. In a short time, he no longer could talk or walk at all and this made me think how precious life can be.

We go about our day focusing on what tasks we must get done, but never take the time to think of what others are struggling through. Have you ever taken the time to realize what your neighbors or co-workers are going through outside of work? Is life just one big picnic when good things continuously occur or is it a black hole where things get darker and darker? Stephen’s life was supposed to be filled with happiness and joy, but instead his whole life turned upside down within the blink of an eye. That just makes me wonder if something like that could happen to me. I mustn’t be naïve or stupid, but rather aware that nothing is perfect and life has several bumps in the road, but we shouldn’t give up.

We often vent and get frustrated with how things are panning out and the only option we can think of is quitting. But, that’s wrong because that’s giving into what is happening instead of fighting through grief, pain and suffering.

Life can be absolutely frightening because we don’t know our next move. We don’t know what’s ahead and that scares the living s**** out of most of us. Will you die tomorrow? Will you develop a disease in the next few years? We often question and ask ourselves over and over, “what’s up next” instead of enjoying what’s occurring this very second. I don’t blame you for being curious because I sure as hell am! But, you might miss out on tons of good things when you focus on the “what if’s.”

So, enjoy the highs and focus on the good things life can bring you such as spending time with family and friends, a girl’s night out, a date with your significant other or a phone call with your best friend. All of these things make us happy and just because life is overwhelming–at times–don’t forget to love it too!

Via Huffington Post

I’ve Finally Accepted That I’ll Always Be On The Quiet Side

I was always a quiet and shy child. It would be like pulling teeth to get me to talk. Despite being quiet, I had a decent amount of friends in elementary school. But, as I grew up, I learned that I couldn’t be non-talkative forever. It would get old.

Therefore, I began talking to fill the silence and avoid awkward situations. I figured filling the air would be better than sitting there feeling tense and uncomfortable. I was either talking to talk or not saying a word. I often asked myself which was better. I knew being completely quiet wouldn’t fly, so why not just talk about anything?

My ex-boyfriend taught me how to have a conversation. I usually didn’t elaborate or ask questions simply because I didn’t see the reason, but I was told that I was awkward to talk to when I never kept the conversation going. I mean, I didn’t see the point because I didn’t want to talk to that person to begin with. But, then I started to think about what would happen once I landed a job.

How would I connect and work with other co-workers if I stupidly sat there saying not a word? Would I advance in my career? I mean, I was going to school for Journalism for craps sake! How could I be a journalist if I wasn’t able to have a conversation? So, little by little, I started asking people more questions and the awkwardness faded. Instead of me feeling uncomfortable, I think they didn’t know what to say or how to act in front of me.

There are periods where you can’t get me to shut up and then other moments where I won’t talk at all. If there’s nothing for me to say or talk about, I simply just keep to myself. And, people often say it’s the quiet ones you must watch out for. If people saw me at my most comfortable, they’d be shocked at how spunky and loud I am. The only real person who I’m my true self with is my boyfriend.

And, overall, I’m glad he’s more so on the quiet side because if he talked my ear off, I’d probably get pretty annoyed having to listen to him babble on about something. Sometimes, we simply just sit in our living room with the TV on and don’t say a word to one another and it’s not awkward. Periodically, we even sit in the car with silence and it’s not odd. But, all in all, I think I’ll be quiet my entire life and until you truly get to know me, I’m not going to talk a ton and that’s okay.

I usually just talk when it’s necessary, like when I’m conducting an interview or talking with someone extremely important. So, just get to know me before you judge me.

How To Date The Guy Who’s Sensitive

Let me tell you something about guys: they’re very sensitive. I don’t give two s**** how much your guy says he’s not because it’s untrue! No matter how much they play it off, won’t admit to it, pretend those hurtful words you just said to them didn’t sting, they’re lying. Instead of telling you how they really feel, their first reaction is to shut down.
This is what I’ve learned: most girls like to talk out their problems in order to feel better. When talking it out, we feel as if a weight has lifted off our shoulders because we pushed it out instead of holding it in. But, guys like to bottle up their feelings and let it fade away in the darkness. However, does it really ever go away or do they carry it around for the rest of their days and randomly bring it when we’re nagging them about something?

Guys tend to act macho and manly, but deep down, they’re sensitive creatures that when their ego is bruised, they’ll shut down and not talk it out. But, as girls, we must learn that guys aren’t like us, we cannot simply expect them to “share their feelings” because more than likely, it’s not going to happen.

As girls, our first reaction is to FIX IT! We want to talk it through and try to make our guy feel better, but time and time again, I’m learning it does not work like that. And, in a heated argument most times, you call your man an “asshole” because he seems to be inattentive, unresponsive and ignoring you. Here’s the truth though: he actually is listening and processing everything you’re saying. You don’t really mean it, instead you’re saying it out of anger and frustration. But, if you want to be in an adult relationship, you must be respectful. So, if your guy does not want to “chat” because of his ego, then let him go. I know how tempting it can be to just walk into the other room and shake him, but that’s not going to do anything.

Let him cool off for a bit and then go and talk to him. If you cannot help but think, “I have to go talk to him. I have to do something,” just don’t. Instead, distract yourself by calling a friend, taking a walk, playing with the dog or simply reading a good book. I would say that your guy will respect and appreciate the space you’ve given him instead of cornering him in the bathroom and yelling that you want to talk.

Via Thought Catalog

The Emptiness Of Loved Ones Leaving After Visiting For A Few Days

You can feel the emptiness in the air of people who were once visiting, but are no longer around. You see a deflated air mattress where someone once slept. You hear the slight sound of the fan going around. You hear dogs barking outside. But, there are no voices. There’s no one talking, laughing or speaking. You feel absolutely lonesome and it’s a feeling not worth having.

My brothers visited this weekend for about 4 days. One of the days I worked a full-day and the other was a half-day. We planned to do several activities, but some of them fell through because things seem not to work out for me these days. We went to an Escape Game in Nashville, but I wasn’t overly thrilled about it.

The next day, I felt like absolute crap due to my “ladies days,” so half of the day was shot. Not to mention, my boyfriend couldn’t come with us because it had something bad happen at work and had to take care of it, so my brothers and I had to continue on without him. That really stung because I want my brothers to spend more time with him and get to know him a bit better. Regardless though, it was more about me getting to hang with my brothers, whom I haven’t seen since March.

I think I failed them though because we didn’t do all the things we planned to do and I feel as if they were bored some of the time. I wish we could have done more, saw more, spent more time together, but the days flew by before I could even catch my breath. And, also, I have a ton going on at work, so that was on my mind as well. We’re launching a brand new website and I’m still in the midst of getting accustomed to everything.

Then, we dropped them off at the airport and it was too early to realize what was happening. Once I saw them walk away, it hit me. I’m not the type of girl who cries for no reason. I have never been the emotional type and I’m glad, but when things make me feel sad, I lose it. And, I don’t cry in front of anyone, so I held back, like I always do and once I got home, I fell asleep.

I woke up to an empty living room and sat on the floor and cried. I cried because I didn’t show them a good time; I cried because I missed them; I cried because I felt empty inside and I cried because I don’t know the next time I’ll see them. I know this happens to families every day, so I’m not the only one, but I just didn’t see myself feeling this terrible.

I suppose moving here has become a bit harder than I thought.

It’s Time to Start Listening and Trusting Myself Instead of Others

Since I’m a writer, I tend to think a lot. I mean, constantly thinking about every little thing and often planning things in my head like my wedding day, what I’ll do next week, next month, heck next year! So, it’s no surprise that I think so much about whether or not my boyfriend is “the one.”

Marriage is a huge commitment and shouldn’t be taken lightly. You’ll spend the rest of your life with this person and if you don’t get along, what’s the point of marrying them? Lately, I was questioning if I should be with someone more like me, but then I said to myself, “if I was with a guy who was like me, he’d be sensitive and that might get quite annoying.” I would have to watch what I said or he might feel offended. Would I have to tip-toe around certain topics so he wouldn’t get hurt so easily? Probably.

He’d be a writer, so he’d be passionate. What if I didn’t like one of his articles, he might blow it completely out of proportion and cause a big fight. Would he be a manly man and know how to fix things? What if my car broke down or our air conditioning broke? Would he know how to repair it? Would he be a good cook? Or, would I constantly have to handle dinner all the time? See, I told you I was a thinker.

One thing is for sure: all the things I named, my current boyfriend does. He may not be a social butterfly, but you best believe he’s always there for me whenever I need him as well as anyone else that does, he has always supported me, has hugged me whenever I’ve felt down, is very affectionate with me, tells me I’m cute all the time, and has gone above and beyond for me. Additionally, he treats me very well and would do everything and anything in his power to make me happy. So, if he does all of this stuff for me, why do I still have something to complain about when he doesn’t ask me about my day or doesn’t really reach out to my parents? He’s asked me if anything is ever good enough for me and it’s a question I must ask myself as well. Will any guy ever be good enough? I could lose a good guy if I don’t watch out.

I was chatting with a gal who is married to a guy with the same personality as my boyfriend. It’s rather odd because she’s possesses the same personality as me and I’ve told her about my troubles and she said, “when people tell you he’s not the guy for you, that means he is.” If people are telling me this and that, why listen to them? Just because their guy talk to their parents doesn’t mean he doesn’t have other qualities that are quite annoying. So, why am I not listening to the only person who truly counts? MYSELF? For once, I’m going to listen to… me.

Via Huffington Post

My Constant Battle With ‘Stomach Issues’

It’s not fair. It’s just not fair. I cannot delight in the finer things in life like cheese, chocolate or ice cream. For the longest time, I haven’t been able to consume dairy products because I believe I’m lactose intolerant.

In high school, I noticed I began feeling ill whenever I ate doritos or cheese-related products. My stomach could curdle and make a loud and obnoxious noise leaving me feel embarrassed whenever the room was silent. I would look around at other people hoping they wouldn’t notice, but it was high school and people were still immature, so they’d give me a weird look. But, I’d just shrug it off.

As the years went by, it got worse. Not only did cheese bother me, random foods started to effect my stomach as well such as spaghetti sauce, apples, bananas, blueberries and even coffee. I felt frustrated, so I went to see a gastroenterologist, who tested me for IBS and celiac disease, but they both came out negative. But, later, they told me I had a mild case of IBS and “might be” lactose intolerant.

Later on, they found out I had a cyst in one of my ovaries, so they thought that might be it. Once it was out, nothing changed, I still felt the same about cheese.

Again, I was left staying away from those foods, but it didn’t always occur when I consumed those foods. It started happening to foods you wouldn’t think would bother me like pancakes, waffles, etc.

Also, my stomach was horrible whenever I went out to eat, but no one ever explained why. I just didn’t get it. And, after I hadn’t eaten for a certain period of time– say like 6-7 hours– and I finally ate, my stomach would be out of whack. By this, I mean, my stomach would tell me to “use the restroom immediately.”

I chose to get a second opinion, but she just prescribed me this IBS medication and tested me for a stomach infection, which came back negative. Test after test after test, it remained the same. So, I’m still stick in the same damn predicament as I was before. Will they nightmare ever end?

Via Huffington Post

Getting Rejected From A Job/Internship

“Thank you for your time and effort, but we’ve decided on another candidate.”

I cannot even count how many times I’ve heard or read this sentence. It hurts very badly and I never got used to be rejected. It’s never fun to receive “that” email. I often tried to play tricks on myself and say, “oh, you didn’t get it” so I wouldn’t feel so bad. But, then, my brain would say, “you did get it!” Either way, I’d be let down because almost always, I wouldn’t walk away with the job or internship.

In my senior year of college, I would begin applying for magazine internships in New York and hope for the best! I’d cross my fingers and pray things would work out. I have to tell you though, I always got the interview, but never the actual position. I’ve interviewed with Self Magazine, Fitness, Weight Watchers (twice), All You, Real Simple, Women’s World, Ladies Home Journal, Woman’s Day In Style, as well as Good Housekeeping and Family Circle. Out of all of them, I landed internships at GH and FC. Overall, I’ve been denied from countless jobs and internships, but that never stopped me from continuing to apply for them.

I’ve always been a rather persistent person who never gives up on her dreams and wishes. So, even though I’ve been denied by several jobs and internships, I never stopped pushing myself. I kept applying and going on interviews as much as the rejection hurt. I was rather frustrated, angry and bitter about it, but I never quit! I had to continue on because why give up? You should never give up trying because you’ll be a failure and will never succeed. What will giving up do? It will show that you’re a quitter and didn’t want it as bad as you said you did. That’s not me and it never was, so I continued on trying.

I’ve had 2 full-time jobs and am on my third, which I really like! On the side, I freelance for Huffington Post, Thought Catalog and Your Tango and still having fully given up on my dream to become magazine writer. And, I don’t think I ever will and neither should you! It just goes to show you that persistence works!

Via Huffington Post