You can feel the emptiness in the air of people who were once visiting, but are no longer around. You see a deflated air mattress where someone once slept. You hear the slight sound of the fan going around. You hear dogs barking outside. But, there are no voices. There’s no one talking, laughing or speaking. You feel absolutely lonesome and it’s a feeling not worth having.
My brothers visited this weekend for about 4 days. One of the days I worked a full-day and the other was a half-day. We planned to do several activities, but some of them fell through because things seem not to work out for me these days. We went to an Escape Game in Nashville, but I wasn’t overly thrilled about it.
The next day, I felt like absolute crap due to my “ladies days,” so half of the day was shot. Not to mention, my boyfriend couldn’t come with us because it had something bad happen at work and had to take care of it, so my brothers and I had to continue on without him. That really stung because I want my brothers to spend more time with him and get to know him a bit better. Regardless though, it was more about me getting to hang with my brothers, whom I haven’t seen since March.
I think I failed them though because we didn’t do all the things we planned to do and I feel as if they were bored some of the time. I wish we could have done more, saw more, spent more time together, but the days flew by before I could even catch my breath. And, also, I have a ton going on at work, so that was on my mind as well. We’re launching a brand new website and I’m still in the midst of getting accustomed to everything.
Then, we dropped them off at the airport and it was too early to realize what was happening. Once I saw them walk away, it hit me. I’m not the type of girl who cries for no reason. I have never been the emotional type and I’m glad, but when things make me feel sad, I lose it. And, I don’t cry in front of anyone, so I held back, like I always do and once I got home, I fell asleep.
I woke up to an empty living room and sat on the floor and cried. I cried because I didn’t show them a good time; I cried because I missed them; I cried because I felt empty inside and I cried because I don’t know the next time I’ll see them. I know this happens to families every day, so I’m not the only one, but I just didn’t see myself feeling this terrible.
I suppose moving here has become a bit harder than I thought.