Not too many girls can say they were fortunate enough to intern for not one, but two magazines in the Big Apple. I mean, you see Instagram photos from gals who work for magazines and yearn to steal their job. There’s always a possibility to meet celebrities, you receive the coolest beauty products and have one-on-one convos with editors who provide you with the best career advice. What’s better than that, right? Well, what you don’t see is how cut-throat everything is as well as at times, uptight.
In fall 2013, I began applying for several magazine internships in New York hoping I’d land at least one of them. I mean, I was constantly looking on ED2010 for the latest posting and one day, I applied for the Good Housekeeping Magazine Editorial Internship. To my surprise, I received an e-mail about a phone interview with the two editorial assistants of GH. You’ll never know how nervous I was to chat with them via phone and I’m sure I would have been 10 times more if it was a face-to-face interview. Even in my current state of shock, I remained calm, cool and collected. And, even when I received the e-mail a few weeks later that I obtained it, I was still as cool as a cucumber, but freaking out on the inside.
My first day was in early January 2013. Now, I don’t remember it exactly because well, um, I was not calm, cool and collected. I’d travel to NYC three days a week for 8 hours for this unpaid internship. I did not care that it wasn’t paid because it was worth it for me. I caught myself thinking it was all a dream a few times, but it was really happening. I was an editorial intern for Good Housekeeping Magazine and I was scared. Why was I so afraid? Well, it was probably because I am a quiet and shy girl to begin with and in New York, I didn’t know a soul and I was totally out of my element. But, to be honest, I wasn’t really scared of the traveling; I was more scared of the women whom I worked for. I think I was just intimidated by their success and jealous as hell at what they’d achieved. I was merely an intern and they were working for a freaking magazine in New York.
Whenever they’d ask me to do a task, I’d immediately jump on it. Even if I didn’t fully understand the job given, I would be on it ASAP with a big smile on my face. And, when they’d give me a deadline, they would make me feel even more stressed. Their confidence intimidated me because I lacked it severely and it always seemed like they looked down upon me. I always felt as if they thought they were better than me. Maybe that was all in my head, but I always did the best of my ability
And, when I started my second internship at Family Circle Magazine as a Home Décor Intern, I felt the same way. I think my fear of messing up took over me and it crippled me in a way and that’s no one’s fault except mine. I didn’t feel as if I “fit” into this industry because all the women were all confident souls and I was working to build mine.
After completing my internship, I decided to break away from the industry for a bit until I’ve developed more confidence. There are days I miss it terribly, but I do not miss how my stomach would churn when I was given a few tasks at one time by an editor who scared the s**t out of me. But, now, when I’m feeling intimidated I say, “hey Hope, snap out of it, he/she is a person just like you” and I’m snapped back into reality.
Via Huffington Post