They say you never forget your first love. You’re always likely to go back to that person and never let them go. And, I believe that wholeheartedly.
When I was in my early teens, all I knew was I wanted a guy who would take care of me and accept me for who I was. I didn’t necessary have a preference on how the guy would look. I just knew I wanted him to make me feel like the most special girl in the world.
I had my first boyfriend at 16, but he didn’t make me feel like the most special girl in the world. I mean, I liked him a lot, but I was only 16 and with him, I had my first kiss. Unfortunately, I planned my first kiss and if I could go back in time, that would be one of the things I’d change. It was in front of my parents house after the junior prom and I said, ‘let’s just do it and get it over with.’ My attitude toward it was rather ugly, but he went with it. And, the kiss wasn’t so bad. That relationship lasted 2 months.
My second relationship wasn’t so bad, but the guy didn’t have his permit. And, at about 18, that was a problem. Regardless, we had a nice time together, until he broke up with me via text 2 weeks later. I was done with guys for a while, or so I thought until I met my third boyfriend when I worked at a grocery store at 19.
He was someone I thought I loved. I felt as if we had a deep connection, but when I think back, it was nothing but a deep friendship. My dad always said he thought I would end up with him because despite breaking up a year and a half into it, we always remained friends. It was very painful to me to stay friends, but he honestly did not like me as much as I liked him. The break-up was mutual, but that still didn’t mean I wasn’t hurt. After we broke-up, I questioned whether I loved him or not and for a while, it hurt to see him going on dates with other girls and see him flirt with other ladies while we were out, which was why I figured I loved him. But, I think it was only ‘puppy love.’
I still was sort of friends with him when I started dated my 4th boyfriend. I would talk to him occasionally, but I was hooked on this particular guy. I would go over to his house, but all he seemed to want to do was fool around, which was not always on my radar. I wanted to go on dates, but he was not about that. So, after 6 months, we broke up.
This leads to me my fiancé. I did not think I’d find love on Okcupid simply because I was so against online dating. I knew he was special, but I didn’t think it would lead to falling in love. Again, I thought I was in love before him. But, every time before him was nothing but infatuation. I wasn’t always able to tell the difference, well until I starting falling for this particular guy. He was sweet, considerate, nice and made me laugh. Not to mention, I was very much attracted to him. It only took 2 months for us to begin falling for each other. On Valentine’s Day, he finally told me he loved me, but I was not able to say the same because I wasn’t ready.
A few weeks later, at the bar with 2 of his other friends, I revealed that I was in fact in love with him. He didn’t believe me because he knew I was drinking, but I meant it. The next day, I said it again, but this time, it was in his room. I didn’t know what love really was until I met Brett, my now-fiancé.
I found out love is about sacrifice, being considerate of the other person’s feelings, opening yourself up to the other, compromise, and more. Love isn’t just about cuddling and being mushy-gushy. There is so much more to it and I needed to learn that. My other boyfriend’s never looked at me the same way Brett does and they were never so willing to take my feelings into consideration before making a decision.
And, when Brett asked me to be his forever, I was nothing but ecstatic that he chose me! It only took 5 boyfriends to find the right guy, but I found him and I couldn’t be happier.