Ever since I was young, I’ve always been a ‘goodie goodie.’ I was raised not to get into any trouble, ditch school or cheat. And, so that carried over into adulthood. But, when I was in 5th grade, my friend and I were in a Giant Supermarket and she proceeded to steal a piece of candy and dared me to do the same. So, naturally to feel as if I was “breaking the rules,” so I followed suit. But even that act made me feel like a bad person.
There was another time where at the age of 11, my mother didn’t want me watching R rated movies, but I was over the same friends house doing it anyway. I remember calling to ask her if I was able to sleep over and old her we were watching PG movies. Meanwhile, her mother stood there telling me it was OKAY to lie to my own mother. I felt guilty, but never told my mom the real truth. I felt like a rebel. Every time I’d hang out with her, we’d get into some sort of trouble. I was rather naïve and always went with the flow, so I never asked any questions. I just listened to her whenever she told me to do something. I was being polite and didn’t want her to call me a sissy if I didn’t do something.
This behavior continued throughout middle school until I had enough and broke our friendship. I was a goodie to shoes and didn’t want any part in doing anything wrong or bad. I always ended up feeling like I was committing a crime anyway.
In high school and college, I was more likely to hang out with the brains than the ‘cool people’ because those folks always got into trouble. However, there were times when the ‘cool people’ weren’t as bad as you think.
In general, I didn’t smoke or drink in high school and I intended to keep it that way. You can call me a goodie goodie all you want because I totally was and still am. I mean, I am way less naïve and do not allow others to walk all over me, but still, I feel guilty if I hurt someone’s feelings. I think that will always be part of me and hey, I don’t think it’s a bad thing either!