When my fiancé and I moved 800 + miles away from family and friends, I knew it would change our relationship. I mean, we would be responsible for each other because no one else was around. We didn’t have his mom, my mom, his dad or my dad to fall back on whenever we needed something. I knew it would be a test of love as well as a test to see if we in fact ‘meant to be.’
I didn’t have any doubts that we couldn’t do it, but I was a bit nervous. We had to learn how to work as a team. We needed to communicate, talk things through and take care of things together. If one did not agree, we wouldn’t follow-through with it and that’s exactly how it was supposed to be.
Within the last year, I’ve learned so much about not only him, but myself. I grew into a stronger person and became the best version of myself. I learned to deal with things as an adult instead of an adolescent teenager. Back in PA, I was a lost soul who’d complain at the drop of a hat. Now, I’ve learned to deal with it, grow and move on.
Last October, my fiancé had nose surgery. I was to be the sole caregiver because mommy and daddy were nowhere in sight. I figured I’d work from home on the day of his surgery and then be back the next day. That plan went out the window when he developed a sinus infection, rash and couldn’t sleep for 4 consecutive days straight. I had to take care of the dog and him, work, make dinner, and balance everything else in-between. It was a task, but I survived. I mean, it was stressful since each day he got worse and worse. But, I was there for him just like he would have been there for me.
The next test was his second surgery, which was this past Monday. It was a bit more intense because it was shoulder surgery and would require therapy. He can’t drive, take care of the dog, and do much around the apartment, cook or bathe himself.
In this case, I had to grasp the concept of putting him before myself and accepting that for the time being life would be a bit unsteady. We wouldn’t have our normal routine of him and I work, eat dinner, exercise, relax and go to bed together. Instead, we had to alter plans and that would consist of taking care of everything, him sleeping in the living room and making dinner. And, I’m fine with it, but I sure do miss the original routine of him getting home at 6:00.
Here are a few things I’ve learned:
- Working as a team has made us a stronger couple though! Having to do this together and experience it together has just taught me so much more.
- You must always remember to do is come to a compromise. Any decision you make has to be fair and must be well-suited for the both of you. If it’s good for him, but not good for you, it shouldn’t be considered.
- It’s no longer about me. It’s about the two of us. I can’t be selfish or my marriage won’t be successful. It’s about give and take. If you’re not ready to come to a consensus with your partner, maybe you should re-think your arrangement.
- Most of all, at the end of the day, just remember that he is your co-pilot and whatever you choose in this world, will also affect your partner.