Our Year Adventure – In Tennessee

On March 20th, 2015, my fiancé and I moved to Tennessee. He obtained a job and so, we relocated. With the help of his parents, mine, my brother and his friend, we drove down to Tennessee together and unpacked all of our belongings. We both commuted to college and so, we never had an opportunity to live anywhere else.

When they left 2 days later, we were both fine. I knew it would take time to adjust, but I never knew about sad I’d feel until it hit me a week later. I was emotionally distraught because this was the first time I was not in the presence of any family and friends.

My fiancé was there to help me through it, but nothing he said made me feel better. But, it wasn’t like I someone made me move to Tennessee. No one tied my hands behind my back and told me to do so. I just needed to accept the decision we made and move forward.

He thought getting a dog would make our transition a bit easier, but unfortunately, it didn’t. It wasn’t until we had a big argument that I stopped sulking and finally accepted the choice I made.

And, when June came around, I landed a job and felt a bit more at ease.

Little by little, I began to feel less depressed.

That summer, we looked for countless activities, but there was no much to do. Honestly, some weekends, we’d spend the day looking for stuff to do and that’s how we’d spend our time. I was rather sad over not making any friends, but he was fine with just him and I. Sure – he was enough, but I also wanted girls to hand out with too.

At the end of the summer – August- my parents visited us. I was ecstatic that they came but when they left, I felt rather sad. I knew the feeling of them leaving would hit me hard, but I also knew I’d have to get used to it. I mean, in June, his parents came and I was happy, but again, when they left, I felt lost. And, I felt the same when my brothers came to visit in July.

I started to feel a bit more comfortable in my surrounding, but there was always a disconnect. There was always something I felt was missing from our new life.

In October, my fiancé had nose surgery. This was the first time I took care of him solely on my own. And, later, I learned it was a test to see if I was wife material. He didn’t get the surgery on purpose, but rather, that was something he thought of before he scheduled it. And, guess what? I passed that ‘test’ with flying colors too!

For our 2-year anniversary, we went to Florida, where he proposed to me. But, there was a catch though. I could not tell family until we came home for Christmas – the next month. It was extremely hard to hide such big news, but I kept my promise.

When December came, we unfortunately had to head home early because his grandma was slowly dying. So, unfortunately, we had to go home for a funeral, yet we planned on announcing our engagement during our Christmas break.

We’ve had a lot of ups and downs in the past year, but we learned so much about each other. Living with your significant other is so important if you want to start a life together. Personally, I grew up, learned how to become more independent and finally was out on my own.

All in all, it’s funny that a few years ago, I said I wanted to move to Tennessee and guess what, here I am! I set a goal for myself and I achieved it. I am very proud, so this just goes to show you despite being scared shitless to take a chance, you’ll always learn a thing or two along the way. I do not regret my decision to move that far because we might not have gotten engaged, learned how to work together and know how it feels to be on our own. It was the hardest decision of my life, but I made it! Heck – we made it!

Via Puckermob

I’m Only An Affectionate Person — With My Fiance

For starters, I’m not an affectionate person. I never have been and probably never will be. It’s rather odd since my mother is overly affectionate at times. She’s told me that even as a kid, I wasn’t that affectionate and she never understood it. She’s always been very lovey-dovey with us, but it seems I just didn’t catch on.

I was like this in relationships as well. I’d occasionally give my boyfriends a hug or kiss, but it wasn’t to the point where they needed to tell me to stop. In fact, they were never that way either, so that’s probably why it never worked out between the two of us. Two unaffectionate people do not make a good couple.

My last boyfriend was too much for me. He always needed to be right next to me all the time and it drove me absolutely crazy. I actually had to a conversation with him about it and he stopped for a period of time, but then, he would start up again. And, also, whenever we were eating at school, he’d sit there and rub my back! This happened while I was consuming my lunch and I did not like it. Who wants to be rubbed when they’re eating? Not me. It’s safe to say, we broke up after 6 months.

In general, I always felt like I needed to be a little distant when it came to relationships.

Well, that was until I met my fiancé. Looking back, it’s funny that in the very beginning of our relationship, I told him I wasn’t an affectionate person and then I later turned into being an overly affectionate person. He knew about my previous boyfriend and wanted to make sure he wasn’t like that as well. He actually told me he was not a touchy-feely type of person either, so we were like a match made in heaven.

But, gradually, I started becoming affectionate – only with him though. I’m not that way with anyone else. There are times where I’ll hug my mom randomly, but it’s not that often. When it comes to him, I need to feel his touch and would kiss him all day – if I could. And, he doesn’t mind because now, he’s the same way with me. But, just like me, he’s only this way when it comes to me.

I hope this changes a bit when we start having kids though because the last thing I want to do is to push my kids away when they want to give their mom a hug. But, I don’t think it will happen because whenever my dog comes and lies next to me, I don’t mind one bit.

Here’s to hoping!

Via Puckermob

What I Learned Living With My Fiancé

When I moved in with my fiancé, I thought it would be all fun and games.  I knew it would be different to live with him and his folks versus just him.  We got to see each other every day, which was nice.  We were able to carpool, go food shopping and do laundry together.  It was exciting knowing that we’d be sleeping in the same bed at night.  I liked that I always had someone to cuddle with and talk to at night, when I felt the loneliest.

Then, the equation changed when he took a job in Tennessee.

We moved 800 + miles away from home about 4 months after I moved in with him. I was so thankful that his parents offered me to move in because well, I don’t think the transition would have been as easy as it was.  I’m not saying it was simple, again, I’m saying ‘as easy.’  If we hadn’t lived with one another, it would have been 10 times harder moving to another state, adjusting to that as well as our new surroundings.

But, this was the true test because this was when we would learn if we were meant to be together.  I knew that we needed to go through hardships in order to see if we could make it work.  At first, he annoyed the crap out of me because he’d act like my father by telling me to clean up.  And, I’m not as tidy and organized as him, so it was driving me crazy.  I know he felt the same way about me too.  He felt annoyed that he had to remind me that we needed to vacuum and dust once a week. I’m actually someone who dislikes cleaning.  And, sure – I knew that we needed to do those chores, but do you think I wanted to do them on my Saturday off?  It doesn’t mean I’m a dirty person; I’d just rather be doing something more productive like writing or reading.  Well, what’s ‘productive’ to me does not mean the same to him.

We’d often argue about petty stuff like whether he had time to cuddle that night, why we wouldn’t talk when he had a bad day and why he was in a crappy mood. I can’t say much either because if I was in a rotten mood, I’d take it out on him, which was wrong, but true.  You tend to do this to the people you love the most because you feel the safest and most comfortable with them.  It’s shitty, but unfortunately, it happens time and time again.

We needed to learn how to work together and make decisions as a team.  Not only did we have to care for each other, we also had to accept the fact that we were alone without family or friends.  We had to lean on one another and not give up when the situation was tough.  I often felt frustrated when he didn’t seem interested in “working” with me, but I let it go and we talked it out later on.  I had to leave him alone when he didn’t want to talk about something instead of automatically wanting to ‘fix’ it.

So, when you move in with your significant other, you must know it won’t always be rainbows and candy canes; it’s going to be hard work. But, you’ll get there.

Via Puckermob

4 Pieces Of Advice You Must Know About HIV/Aids From A Sex Expert

In honor of National Women & Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day today, I decided to chat with Emily Morse, sex expert and host of the popular podcast, Sex with Emily.  I asked her a batch of questions that girls are often afraid to talk about themselves.

What advice would you give to girls having sex for the first time?

1) It might hurt the first time, so go slow

Your vagina is one of the most sensitive parts of your body and should be handled very gently. If you’re feeling tense, rushed or uncomfortable, or if you aren’t properly lubricated before sex, the sex is more likely to be painful, and may cause light bleeding. You also may experience pain during your first time due to the tearing and stretching of your hymen. This might not be true for all women — sometimes hymenal tissue can naturally wear away by the time you reach adolescence. There’s no way of knowing until you get started, so take all the time you need with those first few moments of penetration.

2) Be prepared, mentally and physically

Make sure you are completely ready mentally, emotionally and physically before engaging in intercourse for the first time. Be sure to take your time, communicate your needs to your partner and don’t be afraid to spend a good amount of time on the pre-sex activities like manual and oral stimulation. The more aroused you are, the more relaxed you will feel and the easier your first time with intercourse will be. Also, keep in mind that the amount of lubrication you produce on your own is NOT directly related to your level of arousal, so you may need some extra help from a water-based lubricant to make sure the process goes smoothly.

What important information should girls know about HIV/Aids?

● Withdrawal (or pulling out) is not an effective method for preventing pregnancy, HIV or other STDs. In fact, withdrawal is significantly less effective at preventing pregnancy as compared to other methods. The only option to prevent both pregnancy and STD’s is to use condoms.

● HIV is spread through the exchange of bodily fluids such as blood, semen, which means it could be transmitted during vaginal, oral or even anal sex. Just because it’s your partner’s first time engaging in vaginal sex does not mean that they have not been exposed to HIV during other forms of sexual activity.

Should girls engage in sexual activities – eg sex?

3) It’s okay to wait

Even though teens are having sex younger than they have in the past, they are also less susceptible to peer pressure than they used to be. With teens becoming increasingly more independent and vocal about their personal choices regarding their bodies, choosing abstinence is a more socially acceptable choice than ever before. Morality, religion and parental advice aside, more and more teens are becoming comfortable with admitting that they just plain “aren’t ready,” and that’s okay! According to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, 73% of teens feel that it should NOT be embarrassing to be a virgin.

Having sex is a big deal and doing it for the first time will be something that you’ll likely remember for the rest of your life. If you aren’t ready and want to remain abstinent, just know that you are not the only one who feels this way! It’s more than okay to wait until you’re ready to take this step.

What information should girls know before having sex? What more can we do to encourage girls to use condoms?

4) Using protection is a MUST!

Many women don’t use condoms because the latex is irritating to their sensitive vaginal skin, or they have an allergy. If this is the case for you, try Lifestyles SKYN polyisoprene condoms. They are non-latex and have a super-realistic feel that will make it seem like you’re not using a condom at all.

“Define your boundaries early and don’t be afraid to say no. As you experiment with manual, oral and other kind of sex, tell your partner what you are not comfortable doing and remember that you can always refuse things that you don’t want to do or aren’t ready for,” Emily concluded. “After all, like I always say, communication is lubrication!”

Via Puckermob

I Didn’t Know I Had Rosacea Until I Went To The Dermatologist

I’m 26 and I’ve been living with a mild case of rosacea since high school. But, I didn’t know it. So, I did my research on this skin condition because I noticed red bumps on my chin, cheeks and forehead.  Not to mention, I have big pores, so it’s rather embarrassing.  I also knew I blushed very easily, which is a sign of rosacea. This was all confirmed when I went to the dermatologist last year.

I finally scheduled an appointment last year, told her I’d been researching and thought I had rosacea. I wanted medicine so I could stop feeling so self-conscious. You see, I don’t have a bad case, so it’s not like I need to hide. It’s just the bumps are noticeable – especially when I have ‘flare’ ups. She assumed me that the medicine would work and sent me on my way. But, it didn’t.

Time passed and I didn’t schedule another appointment with her because what was the point? She hadn’t helped me and I felt frustrated. I mean, I’m tired of going to the doctors and something not working.  As a side note, I’d been to the gynecologist about 4 times and still, nothing improved, so I guess I had the same mentality.

Not to mention, between the visit and medicine, it was about $200! I couldn’t afford to go again, so I tried to treat it on my own, but it didn’t exactly work.

I am going to schedule another appointment, but it will be with a different doctor. Before I go, I’m going to order medicine called Rosarid. If it doesn’t work, I’ll just go.  It’s annoying because there are days when I look at myself face and think, gosh I look ugly and then there are others where I’m like….’damn, I’m beautiful.’ But, all in all, I’d just like to see myself and say, “you are a very pretty girl with the rosacea and all!”

Also, I guess I hadn’t fully grasped the fact that certain foods can make you flare up. According to rosacea.org, if you have rosacea, be sure to stay away from the following foods:

  • Liver
  • Yogurt
  • Sour cream
  • Cheese (except cottage cheese)
  • Chocolate
  • Vanilla
  • Soy sauce
  • Yeast extract (bread is OK)
  • Vinegar
  • Eggplant
  • Avocados
  • Spinach
  • Broad-leaf beans and pods,
    including lima, navy or pea
  • Citrus fruits, tomatoes, bananas,
    red plums, raisins or figs
  • Spicy and thermally hot foods
  • Foods high in histamine

Additionally, I didn’t know you could also ‘flare’ up when you work out. So, be cautious of that as well. You shouldn’t be afraid to YOU. Don’t hide because of this condition. I mean, you won’t feel confident all the time, but who does? You just have to be extra cautious. It could be worse though too, so don’t feel sorry for yourself!

Via Puckermob

Don’t Assume All Guys Are Assholes

More often than not, you hear girls say, “all guys are assholes.” But, have you ever stopped yourself and re-evaluated the situation? How did they act like an ass? How do you know your expectations weren’t too high for the guy and he couldn’t handle it, so he pulled away?

There could be a number of reasons why the guy acted like an asshole. Well, that or he is just purely a jerk. Either way, it’s not always the case.

People have said that chivalry is dead. Um, I actually don’t believe that. Sure, guys these days seem to be more laid back and ‘chill,’ but it doesn’t mean that the average guy is done opening doors, paying for dinners and being romantic. In some instances, the media has put more pressure on men to be ‘the perfect guy’ and they often can’t handle it.

For example, my fiancé is actually polite, romantic and sweet. He opens doors for me, buys me flowers at random times and always makes it appoint to show me more how he loves me.

He’s actually very mature for 27. He’s always been that way since I met him though. You’d think since I’m the first girl he’s dated, he would be lost, but it’s not the case. Since day 1, he’s known how to treat me.

So, don’t give me the phrase, “I’m his first, so he doesn’t know what to do.” If he’s ‘in-tune’ and understands how a relationship works, he should have no problem.

Before him, I’ve dated my fair share of guys who simply did not know how to treat me. They weren’t explicitly ‘assholes,’ they just didn’t know how to be boyfriends.

One was all about getting in my pants while the other didn’t know what to do with me. Then, there was the one who broke up with me via text message and another that no longer wanted me because I wouldn’t have sex with him.

So, while there are assholes out in the world, you can’t say all guys are because it’s untrue.

This is what we need to understand about men:

  1. We must question how they were raised. Were they brought up to be a gentleman? Were they raised by an abusive father or mother? That also factors into the way he’ll treat you.
  2. They’re acting like an asshole because they’re scared of commitment, so they give you the cold shoulder. Talk to them and see what’s bothering them. Allow them to open up to you.
  3. Then, there’s the other the fact that whatever you do or say, they will act like an ass. In that case, there’s nothing you can do except break-up.
  4. Men do not know how to express their emotions. Therefore, they come off as ‘jerks.’ They don’t know how to communicate. Just remember to be patient.

Via Puckermob

Give And Take In A Relationship

On the outside it seems relationships are easy. You always have someone to cuddle with and talk to, but what most don’t understand are the other aspects that go along with being in a relationship.

Relationships are about give and take, compromise, sacrifice and communication. With those components, your relationship won’t be successful. I thought that they were rather easy – in the beginning of course – but then, things start to get complicated. That’s when you decide whether you can in fact be with this person forever. Will you succeed or break-up because you just can’t deal with the other parts? It’s not always easy because one way or another, someone must give up something. No matter what, someone gets hurt. Someone must compromise in order to make things fair. It’s no longer about being selfish. You must put in work in order to make it successful.

Everyone loves the start of a relationship because you are simply getting to know the person and hanging out. There’s no work involved. Once you fall in love, move in together and talk about a future together, that’s when things get difficult. It doesn’t need to be so hard, but it will be a challenge. This is when you ask yourself if this person is worth the effort. Is he worth it? If so, then you will make it work without hesitation.

Just remember that before you commit to anything, be sure you’re willing to commit to them for the rest of your life.

Via Puckermob