When I moved in with my fiancé, I thought it would be all fun and games. I knew it would be different to live with him and his folks versus just him. We got to see each other every day, which was nice. We were able to carpool, go food shopping and do laundry together. It was exciting knowing that we’d be sleeping in the same bed at night. I liked that I always had someone to cuddle with and talk to at night, when I felt the loneliest.
Then, the equation changed when he took a job in Tennessee.
We moved 800 + miles away from home about 4 months after I moved in with him. I was so thankful that his parents offered me to move in because well, I don’t think the transition would have been as easy as it was. I’m not saying it was simple, again, I’m saying ‘as easy.’ If we hadn’t lived with one another, it would have been 10 times harder moving to another state, adjusting to that as well as our new surroundings.
But, this was the true test because this was when we would learn if we were meant to be together. I knew that we needed to go through hardships in order to see if we could make it work. At first, he annoyed the crap out of me because he’d act like my father by telling me to clean up. And, I’m not as tidy and organized as him, so it was driving me crazy. I know he felt the same way about me too. He felt annoyed that he had to remind me that we needed to vacuum and dust once a week. I’m actually someone who dislikes cleaning. And, sure – I knew that we needed to do those chores, but do you think I wanted to do them on my Saturday off? It doesn’t mean I’m a dirty person; I’d just rather be doing something more productive like writing or reading. Well, what’s ‘productive’ to me does not mean the same to him.
We’d often argue about petty stuff like whether he had time to cuddle that night, why we wouldn’t talk when he had a bad day and why he was in a crappy mood. I can’t say much either because if I was in a rotten mood, I’d take it out on him, which was wrong, but true. You tend to do this to the people you love the most because you feel the safest and most comfortable with them. It’s shitty, but unfortunately, it happens time and time again.
We needed to learn how to work together and make decisions as a team. Not only did we have to care for each other, we also had to accept the fact that we were alone without family or friends. We had to lean on one another and not give up when the situation was tough. I often felt frustrated when he didn’t seem interested in “working” with me, but I let it go and we talked it out later on. I had to leave him alone when he didn’t want to talk about something instead of automatically wanting to ‘fix’ it.
So, when you move in with your significant other, you must know it won’t always be rainbows and candy canes; it’s going to be hard work. But, you’ll get there.