Here’s Hoping I Can Keep My Emotions Together

I’m in Greenville and I’m at Walmart picking out the curtains and garbage bags for our new apartment. I’m in my own world as I take a look around the store.

My dad calls me, but doesn’t leave a message while I’m chatting away with my husband about shower curtains.

I know that if my dad called me, the conversation wasn’t going to be a good one, especially since he doesn’t leave a message.

I nervously dial his number and wait for him to answer.

When he doesn’t, I breathe a sigh of relief because maybe just maybe he accidently dialed my number. I think, maybe it was a butt dial.

Then, a minute later, my phone rings.

He clears his throat before telling me my grandma has stopped eating. “She didn’t eat this morning or this afternoon. I’m thinking maybe tonight or tomorrow.”

My husband and I were set to move to Greenville on March 13th. We’d arranged the truck rental, our belongings and we were ready to leave PA. But, when I got that call, it changed everything.

“Okay, well, I’m going to have to stay and Brett has to go with his parents,” I said.

It was the only option.

When I got off the phone, I felt sad for my dad. His mom is dying and he must be devastated. Sure, it was bound to happen, but I figured it would be at least another year down the road. And, what great timing it was to occur.

The next day, my mom sent a text around 2 saying that grandma passed.

I felt pretty down that day for some reason. I was in North Carolina waiting for my husband to take a break from class and eat lunch with me.

I laid down across my front and passenger seats telling myself not to get upset, don’t let my emotions get the best of me. I kept repeating the same thing over and over to myself. I haven’t thought much about my emotions because I fear I won’t be able to control myself.

The plan was his parents had to bring the enterprise truck back in PA – near my parents house – so I drove back with them to attend the funeral. So, his folks generously drove down with us, helped us arrange everything and left two days later to continue their lives.

Gosh, I’m trying to be strong and not lose it. I just hope I have the strength to keep it together because I feel my throat tightening.

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