I’m Going To Do Everything I Can To Have An Above Average Marriage

“I want us to say one thing we love about each other on our date nights,” I said to my husband last night.

He scuffed and said, “but, I don’t need to hear that stuff because I already know by the way you look at me.” I couldn’t argue that because my heart jumps whenever I see him working on a project; whenever he’s playing with Ollie; heck, even when he’s making dinner.

These are actions, not words.

I used to think I was meant to be with a sensitive guy, a guy who was a writer, who cried and talked about his emotions all the time. But, I keep forgetting that I actually was with a guy that like and he irked me.

He constantly needed to show his affection, but in reality, I think it was a ploy to get me to sleep with him.

It’s safe to say after 6 months, I was done.

As for my husband and I, our relationship hasn’t been typical and normal, so why should our marriage? I want an above average marriage where we can just look into each other’s eyes and not have to say a word.

I mean, we met online, hung out sparingly due to his job, lived with his parents for a few months, moved to Tennessee, back to PA, then shared an apartment with his folks and now, we’re in Greenville. I’d say that doesn’t sound like an average marriage.

He’s anti-social, but shows that he cares by helping people at the drop of a hat, while I’d rather show I care by checking in to see how people are doing. He’s quiet and keeps to himself while I like hanging out with people. However, I am quiet too, so that’s definitely where we meet in the middle.

We play fight, “insult” each other while on the other end, we kiss, make love, hold hands and go out on date nights. We are best friends, yet lovers. We bicker, argue about petty shit.

It’s usually me who starts it, but I do it because he pisses me off so badly. But, I love him. I love him with all my heart and miss him whenever he’s away.

I wish he’d change and he wishes I would too, but we’re human and we’ve been this way most of our lives, so never fully change. And, if they do, they just end up coming full circle.

I don’t need any books or anything to tell me how I feel about him. His logic level is above average and whenever we get into arguments, he wins most of the time because I have nothing else to say. He articulates himself very well and I’m stuck stumbling on my own words.

He makes me a better person and I make him a better human being.

I don’t need that mushy gushy shit all the time and neither does he. I don’t always need him to tell him how he feels about me because I already know. I can tell by his actions and how he brushes the hair out of my eyes, how he cleans out the corners of my eyes in the morning, how he grabs me, pulls me on top of him and just puts his arms around me tightly.

“You need to have more confidence,” he says while he guzzles a cup of water. “You need to believe that you’re good enough for the position. You need to show them that you’re the right fit.”

He tries to boost my confidence by telling me my strengths as I job search.

He’s supportive, listens and just wants me to build up enough confidence to believe in myself.

No one is perfect. No marriage is perfect.

Everyone has flaws. It’s just about how to accept them. If I want an above average marriage, I need to start accepting his flaws like he accepts mine.

“It’s just not fair that you keep picking on my flaws, but I don’t have any issues with yours,” he says. It’s not fair.

There’s too much bullshit in life to fight about flaws. There’s too much going on in our lives between trying to find jobs, planning for children within the next few years, maintaining a relationship with each other, family, dog and friends.

He was the first one who got this thought into my mind that we should have an above average marriage.

My first thought was whatever – yeah, I can be a bitch sometimes. But, then, I really started thinking about it and now, I want the same thing and I’m going to fight like hell to maintain it because I love this man with all my heart and I know he feels the same.

Via Huffington Post

10 Ways to Say ‘I Do’ Without Going Bankrupt

When my then-boyfriend asked for my hand in marriage November 2015, we were both full-time employees living in Tennessee.

Not only were we living on our own, we now had to pay for a wedding. So, before we began planning, we sat down and set a budget of $15,000. Knowing the average was about $35,329, according to Fortune.com, we planned to spend half of that!

But, then, four months later, life got turned upside down when we had to move back home.

My then-fiancé lost his job and I had to find another job because I knew working remotely would be a bit too difficult.

His parents and my parents told us they’d pitch in, but in reality, we wanted to do this on our own.  Regardless, we appreciated everything they gave us.

We also knew realistically we were unable to do so because of our job situations.

We budgeted and did the best we could to save money and not overspend. We created a budget sheet on excel to track our spending.

I wanted a beautiful wedding, but I also didn’t anticipate having to pay — for instance — the caterer a whopping $3,000 for their services. If you don’t know already, weddings are expensive. However, they do not have to be – if you budget for them or go for a cheaper route.

My husband wanted to elope, but I refused because I wanted my dad to walk me down the aisle, dance with me and have the DJ play a song my husband and I could dance to.

So, if you’re smart about it, your wedding can cost less than a mortgage. In the end, ours was around $15,000 and now, the average cost of a wedding is 35,329! So, we spent less than 53% of the average wedding!

Here are some tips on how to dish out less dough:

  • Make DIY your BFF. Instead of buying the décor, make it from scratch. My husband and I scoped Pinterest and found loads of décor for weddings!
  • Don’t invite Aunt what’s her face. Here’s my rule of thumb, if you haven’t talked in the last two years, heck within the last year, these people do not deserve to be invited.
  • Send out Save the dates via email. I was told by a friend who got married that people throw away save the dates. So, if you are going to, send it via email.
  • Choose an inexpensive venue. My husband and I chose a $4,000 venue. I’m sure there are way cheaper venues, but we wanted a rustic wedding, so we chose an old manor. Just do your research!
  • Make your own bouquets. Flowers are expensive. However, they don’t have to be if you don’t get them. So, be sure to opt for something besides flowers.
  • Plan the wedding and reception at one location. Don’t make your guests flock to two different locations. It’s also way easier on the bridal party who doesn’t have to spend time in a car riding to the other location.
  • Your dress doesn’t have to cost an arm and a leg. I set a budget for my dress to be $400-$500. Trust me; it is possible to find a beautiful dress for that amount.
  • Opt for less expensive food dishes. You don’t need caviar and shrimp. Go for something simpler and less likely to break your bank.
  • Choose cupcakes instead of cake. Our cake was around $300 and that was the cheapest we found. However, I’m sure cupcakes are just as delicious and less costly.
  • You don’t need too much food. You don’t need fondue, dessert bar, smores bar and an open bar. Just one dessert option will suffice.
 Via Puckermob