It Shouldn’t Hurt, But It Still Does

I know I shouldn’t, but whenever I look at pictures of you, it still hurts.

It hurts when I see you tell someone “I love you,” when I know in the same breath, you said that to me. It hurts when I see pictures of you with friends with a capture “friends forever” when in reality, that’s untrue.

You’re a fraud and I wish I never met you.

It feels like you ripped out my heart and threw it on the ground. The worst part is you didn’t even know it. To this day, you still don’t have a clue.

You never asked or inquired about how I was doing and so, I didn’t come to your wedding re-do ceremony. I didn’t want to drive 13+ hours for someone who talked trash behind my back. I didn’t want to sit there during the ceremony with a fake smile on my face.

To be honest, I shouldn’t even be looking at photos of you, but I do. I shouldn’t even still be friends with you on Facebook, but I am.

Today is the day I un-friend you. Today is the day I forget you ever existed. Today is the day I officially break-up with you and the state you live in. That state caused my husband nothing but agony, pain and anger and so, I’m no longer associating with it.

Sure, I do smirk whenever someone tells me they’re from that state. I think it will always be part of me. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget the memories. So, even though I’m breaking up with that state and you, I won’t ever forget the good moments that I did have. In that state, I learned so much about myself and grew and got closer to my now-husband.

I’m much stronger than I think – considering I was able to live 13+ hours away from family.

Moving there was a test for us and for that, I am internally grateful.

But, now, it’s time to stop thinking about you, stop wondering how you’re doing, stop typing in your name on Facebook (a little creepy?) to check-in – even though I don’t say anything. It’s time to cut ties.

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