Emotions · Feelings · Love

Memories, Please Leave Before I Cry

I’m not an emotional person, so if I cry, it means I’m either in a lot of pain or something has hit me hard.

Three years ago, when my then-boyfriend and I made the decision to move to Tennessee, leaving us 800+ miles away from family and friends, all I could do was cry. I missed my folks, brothers and friends simply because before I could just pop by for a visit. Therefore, being that far, I was no longer able to just swing by, which killed me. But, at the same time, I wanted my freedom. I wanted to grow as a person and figure out what I wanted. I couldn’t find a job  in my hometown and so, when my then-bf got offered a job in Tennessee, I saw it as a sign.

Fast forward to three years later in early March 2017, when we moved to South Carolina. This time, we did not have concrete jobs, but we took a chance and made the leap. It was different though because we had friends here, so I didn’t feel as alone when we first moved here. I didn’t let it get to me because I didn’t think about my family. If I did, I would probably break-down and cry like when my parents dropped me off at the airport to go back to Greenville a week after my grandma passed away.

I was emotionally drained and I sat at the airport with tearing streaming down my face. It reminded me of the time I waited for my flight from Atlanta to PA after saying my goodbyes to my brother when he moved in Tennessee. Right after we separated, I went into the airport bathroom and cried. I sat in the stall and let go. My throat kept clenching up and I couldn’t talk, even when my parents called to check on me.

So, it’s almost been a year that we’ve lived here.

People ask me all the time if I miss my parents. Yes, of course I do. But, do I think about them? No, because then that will make me terribly sad.

When I moved here, I didn’t let the fact that I won’t see them every day cross my mind because getting into that mindset would make me feel depressed. This time around, I focused on MY freedom, which I yearned for the most when I lost it.  Thinking of memories makes me feel rather sad considering it makes me miss my family. It makes me miss when I was younger and didn’t have to worry about bills, working or being an adult.

But, there comes a point when you have to grow up and learn how to handle life.


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