I’m Going To Do Everything I Can To Have An Above Average Marriage

“I want us to say one thing we love about each other on our date nights,” I said to my husband last night.

He scuffed and said, “but, I don’t need to hear that stuff because I already know by the way you look at me.” I couldn’t argue that because my heart jumps whenever I see him working on a project; whenever he’s playing with Ollie; heck, even when he’s making dinner.

These are actions, not words.

I used to think I was meant to be with a sensitive guy, a guy who was a writer, who cried and talked about his emotions all the time. But, I keep forgetting that I actually was with a guy that like and he irked me.

He constantly needed to show his affection, but in reality, I think it was a ploy to get me to sleep with him.

It’s safe to say after 6 months, I was done.

As for my husband and I, our relationship hasn’t been typical and normal, so why should our marriage? I want an above average marriage where we can just look into each other’s eyes and not have to say a word.

I mean, we met online, hung out sparingly due to his job, lived with his parents for a few months, moved to Tennessee, back to PA, then shared an apartment with his folks and now, we’re in Greenville. I’d say that doesn’t sound like an average marriage.

He’s anti-social, but shows that he cares by helping people at the drop of a hat, while I’d rather show I care by checking in to see how people are doing. He’s quiet and keeps to himself while I like hanging out with people. However, I am quiet too, so that’s definitely where we meet in the middle.

We play fight, “insult” each other while on the other end, we kiss, make love, hold hands and go out on date nights. We are best friends, yet lovers. We bicker, argue about petty shit.

It’s usually me who starts it, but I do it because he pisses me off so badly. But, I love him. I love him with all my heart and miss him whenever he’s away.

I wish he’d change and he wishes I would too, but we’re human and we’ve been this way most of our lives, so never fully change. And, if they do, they just end up coming full circle.

I don’t need any books or anything to tell me how I feel about him. His logic level is above average and whenever we get into arguments, he wins most of the time because I have nothing else to say. He articulates himself very well and I’m stuck stumbling on my own words.

He makes me a better person and I make him a better human being.

I don’t need that mushy gushy shit all the time and neither does he. I don’t always need him to tell him how he feels about me because I already know. I can tell by his actions and how he brushes the hair out of my eyes, how he cleans out the corners of my eyes in the morning, how he grabs me, pulls me on top of him and just puts his arms around me tightly.

“You need to have more confidence,” he says while he guzzles a cup of water. “You need to believe that you’re good enough for the position. You need to show them that you’re the right fit.”

He tries to boost my confidence by telling me my strengths as I job search.

He’s supportive, listens and just wants me to build up enough confidence to believe in myself.

No one is perfect. No marriage is perfect.

Everyone has flaws. It’s just about how to accept them. If I want an above average marriage, I need to start accepting his flaws like he accepts mine.

“It’s just not fair that you keep picking on my flaws, but I don’t have any issues with yours,” he says. It’s not fair.

There’s too much bullshit in life to fight about flaws. There’s too much going on in our lives between trying to find jobs, planning for children within the next few years, maintaining a relationship with each other, family, dog and friends.

He was the first one who got this thought into my mind that we should have an above average marriage.

My first thought was whatever – yeah, I can be a bitch sometimes. But, then, I really started thinking about it and now, I want the same thing and I’m going to fight like hell to maintain it because I love this man with all my heart and I know he feels the same.

Via Huffington Post

Dear Future Son

Dear Future Son,

At this time, your daddy and I have been dating for almost 2 years. I do not know what the future looks like, but I know he’s the man I’m going to marry. You see, daddy takes great care of me and loves me despite my flaws. He told me falling in love with me has been quite easy. Your daddy is a special guy and I know he’ll love you unconditionally.

I know daddy and I will raise you to become a respectful and kind young man who would do anything for his woman. He loves fishing and I can see it now — daddy will take you on many trips to the lake, sit you next to him and talk about memories he’s made with his father. He’ll hug and kiss you and won’t let anything happen to his boy. You will be a miniature version of him and I will love you until the day I die.

As your mommy, I will care for you, spend loads of time with you. And, even when you’re old enough to venue on your own and no longer need me, I’ll know to let go and allow you to live your life. Daddy and I will have a hard time watching you grow up. But, heck, everyone has to do it sooner or later.

Please remember that no matter how old you get, how far you live from us, we’ll always love you and be there for you. If you’re a sports nut- like daddy — we’ll go to all your games and cheer you on, attend all your school events, daddy will give you advice on dating girls and have “the talk” with you, and support you no matter what. Your grandparents always had my back — even though they didn’t always agree — and daddy and I will do the same.

Daddy is one of the best guys I know and I’m fully confident that I never have to worry about him neglecting you or ignoring you. Spending time with family is important to your daddy. He and I will do our best to protect you from the world and make you stronger when others put you down. Always remember that you’re going to find a woman that makes you feel the way daddy makes me feel. Don’t you ever worry about being judged or ridiculed by daddy or I because you are our son and we’ll always love you.

Love,
Mommy & Daddy

Via Huffington Post

Confession: I’m Not Good In A Group Setting

As a kid, I was never good in a group setting. Whenever there was more than one person, I’d always clam up and wouldn’t talk much. It seems there was always someone in the group that would be rather aggressive and took the lead in the conversation. During that conversation, I’d fall behind while everyone else told their stories and disclosed personal information. I would just nod my head yes and almost everything someone said, but never provided my input. I feared someone would talk over me and never care what I had to say. And, to be honest, most of the time, the friends I made talked about themselves, so listening to what I had to say didn’t matter.

This carried over in the work world. I remember I was working for this company as a Social Media Coordinator and we would have meetings with the owner, his assistant and another employee. They would all pitch ideas, but I was left sitting there with my thumb up my ass. Well, not literally, just figuratively. All 3 of them were very dominating people, so I never felt comfortable jumping in because there was never enough time nor a pause in-between.

This sort of behavior also happened while interning at Family Circle Magazine. I was the Home Décor intern and when I’d have a meeting with the Home Décor Editor and her assistant, again I was left speechless. I had nothing to add, which made me look quite bad. I just could not form words because again, I feared being talked over. Instead of thinking too much into it, I decided to push myself to talk, not just “let it happen.” Over thinking has always been one of my problems and I know it. I’ve gotten better at it, but there are still times I drive myself absolutely nuts.

I’m the type who has to be 100% comfortable in order to talk in a group. This is something I must work on, but it’s not easy when I’ve been this way my whole life.

Via Huffington Post

Comparing ‘In Love’ vs ‘Love’

We define “love” in different ways. We love our family simply because they’re blood, our friends for always being there, our co-workers for taking on a project when we’ve got too much on our plate, our animals for giving support and companionship and our significant other for remaining faithful. You see, we don’t just love one person in this world, we love multiple others at the same time. But, when it comes to love, there is a huge difference between simply being “in love” and “loving someone.”

I love my family and friends, but I’m in love with my boyfriend. And, the question that we often ponder is “how do you truly know if you’re in love?” You can misconstrue being in love for infatuation. If you’ve never been in love before, how the heck do you know if you truly love that person? You may google “how do you know if you’re in love” and read through a list of ways to tell. Then, you think, “hm… since most of those coincide with how I’m feeling, I must be in love.” And, I’m not discredited any websites because, hello, some of them come from valuable sources and there are plenty of studies out there. I’m saying that every person and couple is different. No one loves their boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife in the same way.

There could be similarities in every romantic relationship, but they’ll never be exactly alike.

I’m not a scientist or an expert in the relationship field, I’m just simply going off of my experience. This is how I knew I was in love: despite my boyfriend’s quirks and issues, at the end of the day, I accepted him for who he was as a person.

In the past, when I was infatuated, the decision to break it off with a guy was a bit simpler. I mean, it was still hard, but I knew we truly were not meant for each other. Time and time again, I’d date these guys that would let me down. I knew I deserved better, what I wanted in a partner and would no longer settle.

When you’re in love, it actually hurts to be away from them for too long; you constantly miss them even when you’ve spent the whole day together; you feel complete when you’re around them; they make you a better person; you love going to bed and waking up to them every morning and you will never get tired of them even if they drive you bonkers!

Being in love isn’t easy or simple. At times, it absolutely sucks because you constantly fear the other person hurting you at any given moment. It’s about sacrifice, pain, hurt, learning, putting the other first, and doing everything in your power to protect them. They have your heart and you have theirs. Do what you want with it, just try not to harm it in any way possible because well, haven’t you ever heard of people dying from a broken heart?

Be careful; be mindful; be yourself. And, most of all, just love them.

Via Huffington Post

Falling in Love Is An Experience of a Lifetime

Falling in love is an experience of a lifetime. There’s nothing better than someone holding you in their arms and not letting go. You feel secure, protected and safe knowing he doesn’t want anything happening to you. Saying “I love you” can be quite nerve-wrecking too because you’re always skeptical he/she won’t say it back.

When my boyfriend and I started dating, he always told me he wouldn’t be the first to tell me he loved me. He stressed this to me time and time again and I said, “okay, we’ll see.” But, February 2013 — our first Valentine’s Day together — we were in a hotel giving each other gifts and he stops, stares at me and asks, “what are you thinking?” I tell him nothing really, but he wasn’t sold on that response, so he asked me again. Honestly, I really wasn’t thinking much other than, “I really, really like this guy.” But, then, he turns to me and says, “well, I love you.” I was stunned because it was a bit early for me to say it back, but I felt bad, so I just said it too. The issue was, it didn’t sound genuine and he knew it.

But, a few weeks later — while his two friends, him and I were at a bar — I turned to him and said, “I love you.” He thought I was lying because I had a few drinks in me, but it was the truth. I didn’t think I’d tell him I loved him in a bar, but hey, life is unpredictable, so why not? That night, I slept over his house and the next morning while I was putting my shoes on to leave, I told him to come closer. When he lay on the bed, hanging over the edge toward me, I said it again and I meant it–just like I meant it the night before. He looked at me, smiled, kissed me and told me again.

I’d love to know how you said those three words, so e-mail me: hopeandlove89@gmail.com

Via Huffington Post

Nights in Your Mid-20s vs Nights in Your Early-20s

When I was a teenager, I thought it was cool and hip to be out late. Occasionally, I’d hang out with friends until 11:00 p.m. And, then, once I hit my early twenties, 11:00 p.m. turned into 2:00 a.m. I’d go clubbing and drinking with my best friend and we’d stay out until it closed. I was able to dance nearly the whole night without getting tired. But, mind you, this was before I had a full-time job.

My best friend and I would head out the door around 9 p.m. on Friday and Saturday nights and we wouldn’t get back to her apartment until 3:00 a.m. On the ride home, we’d pick up some food at Wawa, go back to her place and eat. This was also around age 23. I was young and had no issues partying late.

I mean, I didn’t start partying until I attended Temple University because I went to a community college and didn’t get the full experience. It was fun and exhilarating to be out that late and for a while, I loved it. And, on those nights, I hoped for something fantastic to happen–like meeting the guy I’d spend the rest of my days with. But, I enjoyed hitting the town with my best friend and getting some girl time.
Now that I’m 26, I rarely go out anymore because it got old and drinking is expensive. I learned buying several bottles of alcohol affected both my wallet as well as my tummy.

So, instead of that, I began dedicating time to the gym. Not only that, I’m not sure if I can stay out that late anymore. It’s pathetic, but the latest I’ve been going to bed is 11:00 p.m. To think, I used to be at my best around 11 p.m. and now you’ll find me sleeping in my bed. Life in your mid-20’s is way different from early 20’s. I believe you have more energy and you may or may not have established a career yet. Since you’re still in college, you spend your time at the bar, club or hanging with friends on campus.

The reality of being closer to 30 than 20 is actually really scary, but it’s not like I can get any younger.

Via Huffington Post

The Most Self-Conscious Part Of Me

I try not to let my extra bone of both of my feet bother me, but what do you do when you have to take off your shoes?

When I was young and went swimming at a friend’s house, I’d always feel self-conscious because I had to take off my shoes and socks. I always hated when they said, “okay, take off your shoes now.” I would cringe and feel reluctant to do so. And, honestly, I never got over it because no matter what age I was and summer came around, I was left with the decision to take off my shoes and show the world my feet or run and hide. I knew when the time came, people would stare at my extra bones–on both feet– and wonder if I was born that way.

But, the weird thing is my right foot only has an extra bone and my foot looks fine while my left big toe on my right foot is slightly curved to the right. It looks deformed and I hate looking at it each time I wake up. I mean people have other severe deformities, but that doesn’t mean I’m not as self-conscious as them. I feel the same whenever someone stops and stares at my feet when I’m wearing open-toed shoes.

I have to buy shoes wide-toed shoes so my extra bone isn’t tight. Before, I used to hate wearing shoes that would show my extra bone, but as I grew up, I stopped caring as much. There was a time I was sitting at work and someone came in my office, looked down at my sandals and just stared for a second before leaving the room. Just when you think you’re getting over people staring, they do it again.

When I first met my boyfriend, I refused to take off my shoes or socks and he would question it. When I finally exposed them, he didn’t seem to care. In fact, he told me he liked my feet. So, it goes to show you that someone will accept you for you no matter what you look like. And, I’ve learned not to let people staring at my feet get to me. But, there will always be a piece of me that cares what others think–especially when it comes to my feet.

Via Huffington Post

You Never Know Your Own Strength Until You Go Through A Hardship

When life challenges you with a difficult decision, you either sink or swim. You either complain or deal with the situation thinking how much you have learned/grew from the experience. It’s true when they say you don’t know your own strength until you go through a hardship. Life can surprise you at times. Whether it’s good or bad, it can make or break you.

Recently, my boyfriend had septoplasty surgery — which corrects a deviated nasal septum — along with turbinate reduction — which reduces the overall size of the turbinates allowing for airflow. This was done on a Monday, which was the day I worked from home. If you’ve never heard of this procedure, just know that the first 48 hours are supposed to be hell, but then, gradually you’re supposed to feel better. The issue was, in those 48 hours instead of feeling better, he actually got worse.

I called the nurse 3-4 times throughout the week, went to the store a bunch of times and contacted his mom for guidance during this process. I also had to work from home and take care of our dog. And, I handled it very well. I was under stress because well, the first night he didn’t sleep at all, so neither did I.

I felt absolutely exhausted running around and then on top of that, I had to work. I felt stronger though. I challenged myself not to complain and do what I always do — make it about me. Before, I would have been selfish and got tired of it, but when you truly love someone, you will do anything in your power to make them feel better.

My only goal was for him to feel better. And, watching him go through the pain and agony hurt like hell. I watched as tears rolled down his face and felt so helpless because there was nothing I could do. I couldn’t eat or relax because he was my main concern.

Again, this is how you know you’re deeply in love with someone: when they’re in pain, as are you. I sat back and went through this process with him. I think I fell in love with him more and more as the days progressed. I just don’t think I would love him anymore than I do. He is the love of my life and during this experience and hardship; I’ve learned the power of love. All I wanted to do was hug him and erase the pain, but it was never that simple.

In the end, we found out his pain was due to a sinus infection, so on top of his double procedure, he somehow developed a sinus infection. Regardless, it’s being treated and things are going back to normal.

Life is about falling in love, passing life’s greatest challenges, and having fun! So, when life throws a curveball and asks you to catch it, either you do or you let it fall. And, when life kicks your a**, you get right back up.

Via Huffington Post

Dear Future Daughter

Dear Future Daughter:

I’m writing to you before I find out if I can have children, before I’m engaged, and before I’m ready to have children. There’s so much I want you to know about this world, your daddy and what kind of man we want you to be with. I could be jumping the gun a little bit here with your daddy, but he’s told me asking my hand in marriage is just a few months away. And, I’m not planning or wishing for it to come true. Instead, I’m taking it day-by-day and enjoying my time with him.

I’m going to tell you something about your daddy. He’s a special guy who will do anything and everything for his little girl. He’ll always protect you and love you like he loves his mommy. Your daddy will take spending time with you very seriously because he’ll love you to pieces and want to make memories.

Once the time comes, he’ll teach you that there are good men in this world and will be honest with you about the men who just want to sleep with you. He’ll want to know who is spending time with his little girl. And, I know for a fact if this man breaks your heart, your daddy will beat the crap out of him. He’ll feel devastated to see his little girl hurting and so, he’ll do everything in his power to cheer you up.

I know what kind of guy he is and what kind of father he’ll be because we have a dog–whom you’ll grow to love–who he plays, cuddles and takes on long walks. He cherishes the moments he spends with our pooch just like he’ll do with you.

He was raised to be respectful and courteous to women and that’s why I love him so much. He goes out of his way to do things for me and even puts me first. You will witness these acts of kindness by your daddy when you’re old enough to understand. You will learn who a good man is by watching your daddy love and care for me when I’m in pain. You’ll watch your daddy be my rock, my shoulder to cry on, my co-pilot and my partner for life.

Even though he’s a rather anti-social person and avoids chaotic situations, he’ll never pass up an opportunity to go somewhere with you or our family.

Society can be mean sometimes. I’m so sorry if you’re bullied in school. Daddy and I will teach you how to be a strong woman who doesn’t care what other people think of you. We’ll teach you to have a thick skin and defend yourself when people are cruel and rude to you. You will learn to be your own person because you’re unique, special and one of a kind!

Always remember that daddy and I love you and you will grow up into a beautiful and wonderful woman who will meet a man who desires you. Never settle for less because you’re a great person. We want you to meet a guy who would do anything for you–just like daddy.

Via Huffington Post

The Day I Stopped Feeling Sorry for Myself

So many people go through tragedies each day. Not having enough money to buy food, shelter or having a supportive family are some serious situations to be in. And, sometimes, those people who go through that never complain or talk about it. I’d like to be one of those who don’t even mention it or complain about it because what’s the point? Sure, everyone has their “breaking point,” but what is crying and being upset over it constantly going to do?

In the past, I complained about not having enough money to live on my own or not having enough money to do this and that. Instead of dwelling on my situation, I should have just accepted it and worked my ass off. Now that I’m finally out on my own, why not be happy? At first, I was terribly sad and missed my family every single day, but it was my decision to move to Tennessee. It wasn’t like I was made to leave PA and move far away. I chose to do so and I’d never take it back.

I’m done feeling sorry for myself because, well, there are people dealing with a father or mother who lost their parents or are coping with a loved one who has cancer. People are going through some real s*** out there, but they aren’t feeling sorry for themselves. For me, what I need to focus on right now is saving some money to buy a house, to pay off my student loans and enjoying my life in-between.

Previously, my articles focused on my frustrations of being a college graduate without a job. Most of them were written in the same voice and talked about the same concept. But, they were written by an immature girl who felt as if complaining was the way to becoming “noticed.” Boy was I wrong.

To be noticed, you have to tell a legit story in a mature manner. When writing about the negative, you need to also incorporate the positive. If you’re a negative person, you’re more than likely going to attract other negative people in your life, who might be a bad influence. So, stop being negative and if you’re feeling sorry for yourself, just stop. It doesn’t do you any good.

Via Huffington Post