Goodbye To The “Friends” I Left Behind In 2016

In 2016, I lost two of my best friends.

It wasn’t my fault either. Rather, it was both of them who to pushed me away subtly.

The first one probably hurt more the other because I truly thought we had something good. She was the one I relied on while living in another state. She was the one who sought advice from, leaned on when I needed someone to talk to and hung out with when I wanted “girl time.”

She punched me in the gut without even knowing it.

She hasn’t kept in touch with me and obviously, this is an indication that we never really were friends. I mean, I told her some deep and serious shit and she returned the favor. But, then, when I was gone she stabbed me in the back. This begs the question of: was she ever really my friend?

The second was someone I knew since 5th grade.

This one didn’t hurt as much because we haven’t been that close for a while. But, she was my maid of honor, so she was definitely an important part of my life. She was the one that never judged me. She was the one I could literally talk to about anything. She never questioned my decisions or even said much when it probably was downright nuts.

But, I knew that wasn’t her talking because she had changed since she’d been dating her now-fiancé.

It hurt though when she was adding unnecessary stress to what was set to be one of the best days of my life. She argued with stuff I asked of her and when I wanted her to do certain duties, she never came through. I was frustrated, but I never voiced it to her because I knew it was cause more drama.

So, I kept my mouth shut.

Then, she got annoyed with a detail I neglected to tell her. That was the last straw, so I asked her not to come to my wedding. I was pretty upset that along the way she caused such issues. That was supposed to be one of my best friends.

Both friendships were supposed to last, but I guess things don’t always work out the way you’d like them to. I got hurt in 2016, but now that it’s 2017, I’m starting over. Therefore, I’m going to be a bit more cautious and watch whose got my back.

Via Puckermob

My Year In Review for 2016

Truth be told 2016 has been a shitty year for all of us.

I overheard a woman talking to her friend about losing so many loved ones as well as celebrities this year.

I haven’t lost anyone, but I’ve had a rough year.

We started off the year with deciding whether he should look for another job in Tennessee or should we be grown-ups and temporarily move back home. I was absolutely distraught. I went from crying to accepting it to crying all over again. I remember the day he called me at work to tell me he was ready to quit his job because they were blaming him for something that wasn’t even his fault!

I was becoming more & more upset and pissed for his sake.

He then had his surgery in February, which left him out of work, but he was still getting paid, so we were okay.

We made the final decision to move back home at the end of April. So, I had to tell my job. My VP was very disappointed – as was I. Every day it would get closer and closer to when we had to leave and I’d become sadder and sadder and more pissed that his job did this to us.

He was happy to leave and get the hell away from Tennessee.

So, his brother, friend, and dad came to help us relocate back to PA.

On the ride home, with Ollie in the passenger seat, I cried my eyes out. I cried because I was losing my independence, that we were in this predicament and simply because I was not ready to leave.

My VP let me keep the magazine, but I decided to move on from the Community Manager position because it would be too hard to keep it remotely. Therefore, I spent my days working on the magazine and growing it. I spent my summer looking for jobs and feeling sorry for myself. I hated it, but I appreciated his parents for allowing us to move back in with them.

At the end of May, My Millennial Life was debuting in Canada at a theater, so the director Maureen Judge bought me a ticket to come visit and see the documentary. Doing that documentary was a great experience in itself! I met some great people – including the girl pictured below, Meron who was in the documentary with me.

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Eventually, I found a PT barista position in August.

Meanwhile, we were planning our wedding. It was a very stressful time in our lives because he went on unemployment and I was barely earning anything. We went from living comfortably to scraping by. But, again, his parents were generous and didn’t make us pay rent.

Regardless, we were in a bad place.

I was emotionally unstable at times while he was the one to pull me back up.

Then, his parents sold their house and the 4 of us moved into a 2-bedroom apartment. That was a hard adjustment for all of us. It was a smaller area, but we all got used to it. He and I were used to living in an apartment, so it wasn’t too big of a deal for us.

His brother’s wedding was October 14th, so we were having two weddings within 3 weeks of each other. Therefore, we had her bridal shower, mine, her bachelorette party and mine and of course the weddings.

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It was a fun time because I LOVE weddings, but the money wasn’t always available, so we did what we had to do in order to attend these events.

For my wedding, I decided to have two maids of honor.

Well, one of my maids of honor was causing such stress, so 5 days before the wedding, I told her I didn’t want her in my party or to come for that matter. I haven’t spoken with her since and that just means she never was my friend.

My best friend/maid of honor came into town for 3 days and her, her friend, Angelina and I went out two days before our wedding. I hadn’t seen her in almost a year, so it was a very happy reunion!

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Our wedding was perfect – surprising! Everything went smooth and we didn’t have ANY issues!

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Our honeymoon was mediocre because, on the cruise, we felt sick most days. But, it was nice to get away for a bit.

So, we’ve had ups & downs this year – mostly downs.

“Things will get better. Something will happen for you guys soon. Everything will be fine.” — I hear these phrases all the time and I hope they’re correct because other than getting married, nothing positive has happened. But, I’m going to try & stay positive because geez, something has to give!

I’m hoping 2017 will be better!

Here’s what I learned in 2016:

  1. Going through rough patches makes you a stronger person.
  2. Appreciating the people and good things in my life
  3. Stop dwelling on the past (this one especially)

I had such a HARD time letting go of Tennessee this year. It took me longer than the average person because being independent meant everything to me! But, I needed to learn that my independence isn’t gone for you, rather, it’s temporarily out of order.

Goals for 2017:

  1. Get even more into health & fitness.
  2. Have a successful career
  3. Grow even more as a person

2016 absolutely sucked, so I’m hoping in 2017, things will look up!

I Hope He Still Gives Me That Look Even When I’m Old And Gray

The man I love is lying at the end of the bed watching one of his favorite shows. He strokes his hair and squints at the screen.

“Put on your glasses, you keep squinting your eyes,” I say as I hand him his glasses. He smiles at me nonchalantly.

I stare at him for a few more minutes before I return back to writing. His back is facing me, so he doesn’t see me staring in his direction. I take a few more moments to look at the man I just married.

We’ve been married for almost 2 months. We’ve been together for over 3 years and we didn’t meet the conventional way, rather we met online.

I was against online dating and refused to try it, until my best friend convinced me. Long story short, I met my husband online and I don’t regret giving into something I wasn’t comfortable with doing.

I thank my best friend quite often for pushing me to create a profile on Okcupid. She was the one who told me it was okay to pursue online dating.

“It’s fun, trust me,” she said.

And, she was right.


“Will you always give me that look?” I ask my husband.

He smiles and says, “yes, of course.”

I just want to remember this moment before everything gets crazy, before kids come into the picture, before we purchase our first house, before we get old, before it’s the end of just the two of us.

“I’m scared that our love with change,” I say. “It may change, but I’ll always love you,” he responses with.

I just want him to always push the hair out of eyes, stroke my hair, hold me tight and cuddle me when I need it and most of all, love me after I’m pregnant. These are just fears of mine though.

Deep down, I know he will, but there’s always a part of me that’s scared of the changes that will happen in the years to come.

Even when I’m old and gray, I’m hoping he’ll love me just the same!

He kisses me on the forehead and hugs me tight. I never want him to stop doing that even when we have kids or even when my body changes.

We’re just starting our lives together and there will be lots of stuff we’re going to endure. But, at the end of the day, supporting each other will become a crucial part of our lives and I know we’ll be able to be there for each other no matter what!

Via Puckermob

Please Stop Saying Prince Charming Is Right Around The Corner

When I was single, I was so sick of people saying, “oh, it’s just not meant to be.”

I’d cringe every time I’d hear someone mumble those damn words.

I understand they were trying to make me feel better, but I just wanted to say shut the f**k up!

It never made me feel at ease. It just annoyed me and made me want to slap them.

It’s funny that I bring this up because I’ve caught myself saying this phrase to my single friends. But, sometimes, I just don’t know what to say. 

I mean, in my heart I know my girls will find the right guy, but I just don’t know when that will be.

Here’s the thing: when I met my husband, I wasn’t looking for a relationship. In fact, I didn’t want to have anything to do with men. I was so tired of dating guys, so I focused on my career instead. But, then, one day, Brett came along and the rest is history.

So, this is the advice I can give you: it will happen when you least expect it because well, life is so unpredictable and you cannot predict when the right guy will come along.

But, for those who are telling girls that prince charming is right around the corner, please stop unless you have like a crystal ball. If you can, in fact, see the future then I’ll allow you to say that phrase and tell me what’s ahead because I’d sure as hell like to know!

There’s also one thing you must remember: even though you crave a guy to take care of you, there are pros to being single.

You get plenty alone time to focus on hobbies, writing, crafts and hanging with friends.  Also, you don’t have to worry about checking in with your guy or getting to know his friends. And, I’m sure there are other things but I’m just going to leave you with the two most important!

Just keep those pros in mind late at night when you want to cuddle with someone.

It’s natural to want to be with someone because we all want to be loved, but unfortunately the more you want something, it never really happens. It usually occurs when you don’t care or aren’t looking for a boyfriend.

And, that’s not bullshit, it really does normally happen like that.

I just want people to stop feeding you lines because they’d like to make you feel better because it doesn’t help or work!

Just tell me to focus on my own stuff and then at some point the guy I’m destined to be with will walk by.

Via Puckermob

Let’s Talk About Frustration

I’m human and I get frustrated.

We’re all human and frustration is part of life. But, it’s all in how you deal with it. Do you let it get you down? Do you let it get to you so badly that you stop trying? This is when it’s a problem.

There are days when I’m absolutely fine and then there are days I call my “down days” where it takes me a while to get out of my funk.

Trust me, eventually I get back to normal, but it may take me some time.

I get frustrated that I don’t have a career or I’m not able to afford my own place. I get frustrated that at 27 years old I don’t have everything I want.

I’m always appreciative of my husband, his family and mine for keeping us afloat. Again, that’s one thing I must always remember when I become frustrated. I know, I get it, but I’m human and I can feel frustrated sometimes.

But, if I let it constantly continue and don’t do anything about it, I’m doing nothing but hurting myself. I should be proud of myself for finding a guy who I call my husband, my degrees and my experience. I keep telling myself that there are some people who haven’t come as far as me.

Not to mention, I was strong enough to move 800+ miles away from family and friends. There are too many people who would have been able to do that.

So, when you’re feeling down, depressed or frustrated, remember all the positives going on in your life. Remember what you have instead of what you don’t have.

Via Puckermob

We Went To Three Cities And A Cruise For Our Honeymoon Part 1

My husband hates flying, so we decided to take a road trip to visit Savannah, GA, Charleston, SC and Raleigh, NC. In-between, we went on a cruise to the (Amber Cove) Dominican Republic, St. Thomas & St. Maarten.

I was more excited about the cruise than anything else.

But, to my surprise, it was actually quite disappointing because we got motion sickness and we weren’t thrilled with the forms of entertainment as well as the food. Ick! After a few days, we were sick of the food.

I yearned to eat real food instead of buffets every day. I mean, it was nice to just get food whenever you wanted, but it was also dangerous because it was mostly processed and I feared gaining weight.

Let’s start with the cruise, which lasted 7 days.

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When we got to our room, we were greeted with the photo below – which was the sweetest thing ever!

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On the 2nd night, we dressed up for FORMAL NIGHT. Since it was our honeymoon, the crew members came over with the cake – shown below – and sang HAPPY HONEYMOON TO YOU.

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We did THREE excursions. The first was riding ATVS.

It was muddy and in the Dominican Republic. I let him drive because I was afraid. We got really muddy, but it was fun. We also drank.. a lot. I’m not used to drinking that much, but I just went with the flow.

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THIS IS KELVIN, THE TOUR GUIDE, MY HUSBAND & I.

Next was snorkeling in St. Thomas.

OMG.

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THE VIEW.

It was absolutely beautiful and snorkeling was so much fun.

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YEAH, YOU AHEAD AND SAY IT – WE LOOK LAMEEEE.

Next was a Sunset Cruise, which disappointed us because people were chatting, drinking and the captain didn’t even go toward the sunset. You would think she would considering it was the Sunset Cruise, right?

WRONG.

We went to a few fitness classes while on the boat, watched a movie, went in the hot-tub, swam, sunbathed and drank.

We decided that we aren’t CRUISE PEOPLE, but we wouldn’t have figured that out if we didn’t go, so it was a good experience.

This is just PART ONE of the #Alwaysn4evan Honeymoon.

Stay tuned for PART TWO.

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You Told Me We’d Always Be Family And Then You Turned Your Back On Me

“No matter what, we’ll always be family.”

That’s the text you sent me last year as we were getting accustomed to living in Tennessee. Your husband repeatedly said that I should stick with you because you were “one of the good ones.” My fiancé wasn’t convinced though. He was always skeptical.

I often wondered how someone could be that nice. How was it humanly possible? You were the sweetest person I knew and said you’d never turn your back on me. You told me time and time again that you loved me and we were family.

I should be over it, but I’m not.

I should no longer care because well, you don’t care about me, but it’s hard to let you go.

You were one of my best friends and I told you many, many secrets that I’m sure you’ve now revealed to others. How could you trust someone after that?

How could I want to come to your wedding after I heard what you said about me? How could I bare to see your face after you said such horrible things about me? They were lies and you knew it! How could you live with yourself?

I comforted you when you cried. I was always there to check-up on you when your son’s best friend died. I was there for you when you had to come back to PA because one of your family members died. You were there when my fiancé had not one, but two surgeries. You constantly checked on me to see how he was feeling.

What happened?

You turned your back on me when I moved away. Yet, you said you cried when I left. But, then in another breath, you smiled to yourself because I was gone and you could get the job you so badly wanted back. You could retrieve it after so many years of not having it.

Well, enjoy it.

I wish you nothing but happiness and luck in life. I wish that because I’m the bigger person in this. I shouldn’t be considering you stabbed me in the back, but you know what, I’m better than that!  I guess I wasn’t good enough for you or you were always jealous of me.

I don’t understand how you said I was part of your family and we’d never lose touch and then you talked trash on me. How could someone be so two-faced? I’m upset and hurt by your actions. The worst thing is you don’t even care. You haven’t checked on me to see how everything is going.

You haven’t asked me how my wedding plans are coming along. And, most of all, you haven’t asked how my fiancé is doing because well, you don’t care. Did you ever? Probably not.

I’m sorry that I care so much and I haven’t let this go. I am now, so goodbye forever.

Via Puckermob

Just Because I’m Married Doesn’t Mean I’ll No Longer Be Independent

Let me start by saying, I’ve been married for 3 days and I absolutely love my husband!

I was overjoyed, excited and looking forward to the tie when we’d tie the knot. I’m happy to be his wife, but that doesn’t mean I’ll no longer be independent.

There are some couples that literally have to do everything. If the other person doesn’t go, neither will they. In my opinion, that’s no way to live.

You should be able to get up and go wherever the hell you want.

Please do not be one of those gals who needs their husband to go with them everywhere!

My bestie was talking about visiting Portland and I told her I’d like to go solo because I want a girls weekend. I do not need my husband to come with me. I am his wife, but I am also independent. I love being with him, but I also love my girl time.

I love going places with him, but I can also go anywhere by myself and so can he.

I interned in New York for over a year and I traveled nearly every day by myself. I did not need anyone to hold my hand while I found my way.

I can do things on my own and I will continue to be my own person.

Even though my last name will change and my identity will alter slightly, that has nothing to do with my independence. I’ll still be the same person.

When he passes away, I need to learn how to move on with my life and if I’m constantly up his ass and rely on him for every little thing, I’ll be screwed.

While I rely on him for certain things, it won’t be every single thing. Or else, I won’t know how to cope, how to be myself anymore.

He’s told me in the past that I’m all he needs.

I don’t agree with that though. Like I said, I love him with all my heart, but there are times when I want to hang with my girls and he understands that. But, he’ll still say that he’d be fine if he just had me.

But, I wouldn’t be because I need friends, family and other people because that’s just human nature.

I love him, but I will remain independent.

Via Puckermob

Through All The Negative, Remember There Will Always Be Love

“I hope one day I can find a love like yours,” one of my good friends said to me.

I told her that I know one day she’ll find her ‘prince charming,’ but it’s not just about being married. There are other kinds of love to appreciate like love between friends.

She was pertaining to having a husband, which I’m very much appreciative for.

I know that I’m unable to find a job in my career, I’m not at where ideally I’d like to be, and all of that mumbo-jumbo, but I’m forgetting the most important thing that I have – besides supportive parents on both sides – love.

I just got married about 3 weeks ago.

I keep neglecting the fact that I have someone that loves me no matter what. He never judges me and he’d support me no matter what. I don’t care if at 27 I’m not doing what I truly want. At the end of the day, I have love.

Don’t they say ‘love concurs all?’ I’d heard this phrase before.

As long as you have love and support around you, it shouldn’t matter that you don’t have much money, that you don’t have exactly what you want or anything else. Love is a powerful thing to have and it’s hard to find.

So, on those ‘down days,’ remember that you always have love around you.

This includes love from friends, family and your significant other.

In my case, I’m appreciative of the love I share with my husband, who does everything he can in order to make me happy. Despite not being able to find a job himself, he’s always there to bring me back up when I crawl into that deep hole.

My heart beats a mile a minute when our eyes meet and I melt when he kisses me on the forehead or when he puts his head on mine or on my chest.

Our love is real and sometimes I still cannot believe I found him.

But, love is strong and powerful and you mustn’t let it go. Whether it’s love for a friend, or significant other, it should never be taken for granted.  Therefore, just remember that love is all around us.

Via Puckermob

A Letter To My Future Hubby Three Days Before Our Wedding

Dear future husband,

As we get ready to say our “I do’s,” we need to remember a few things and never ever forget them.

We must always be kind. Always be kind and always care for each other, even when we get into huge fights, even when we have kids, even when we buy our first house, even through death and health issues.

We must always love each other. No matter what we do – excluding cheating of course, which would never happen – we must love one another until the day we die. We must remember how and why we fell in love in the first place.

Once kids are brought into this world, our lives will change. This does not mean we will love each other less, but things will certainly alter. Instead of just worrying about each other, we’ll have more on our plates.

We must always communicate. I know sometimes it’s hard to talk about everything, but we must always talk out our problems and issues so they don’t turn into something bigger.  We have to work through things and promise not to just shut the other person out.

We must always remember to make time for each other. When kids come into the picture, we still must remember to make time for a date night and never let our romance die. It’s extremely important and we mustn’t forget that!

We’ve had ups and downs these last three years, but we were always there for each other. We were always there to support and pick each other up when we fell down.

The biggest change in our lives was moving to Tennessee.

We made it! We accepted the challenge and passed the love test with flying colors.

I will never forget when you had your nose surgery. With tears streaming down your face, painful eyes, you looked at me and smiled. My heart hurt so badly for you that I couldn’t help but kiss you on your head. This is when you told me you truly knew I’d be your wife one day.

We both knew each other was special since day one.

You were my first love and I was yours. And, now, in 3 days, we’ll tie the knot. We will be husband and wife and a new chapter in our lives will begin.

Truth be told, I am scared shitless. I am afraid of change between us. But, it happens more often than not. My goal is to not let that happen.

I will never stop loving you. I will never stop caring for you. I will never stop supporting you. I will never stop communicating with you. I will never stop taking care of you. And, most of all, I will love you for the rest of my life, Brett Evans.

Via Puckermob